I know that I haven't written on here for awhile.  Life what a crazy thing sometimes.  Dealing with custody issues and still looking for a job.  Every time I think that things are so bad I just pray to our God to please just take this and guide me through it the way you would have done it.  I know that I am not always the most patient person and that sometimes that I am not quiet enough to hear him and what he has in store for me.  I know he knows that I love him and that my life is following in his direction.  This hasn't been an easy road changing my believes and doing what is right in the eyes of our Lord but I know that even if the rewards are not shown here they will be up there, and that is more important that having it all.  I look back at my life a year ago and realize just how different I am and thank God for the ability to change and be saved.  I am not perfect, far from it but what I do know is that I so very much love our Lord.  When I do something now I don't think about what other people will think I think does this make God proud or would he have done it this way.  I ask him for forgiveness daily as I know that what I do and say isn't always of him or what he would do.....I just heard the best story about a young man taking care of his parents that got into some financial trouble and he has a good job and is sending them money and giving up things for himself for them.   Now this is a godly man.... God bless this family.... What a wonderful God we have to work in peoples lives like that.  God bless all of you out there... Have a blessed day...

Today I want to share a little about overcoming obstacles and keeping your faith.  I struggle with this daily as I  am starting my life over and the start is always the hardest part.  But I also know that I have God this time on my side so I know that I can over come anything.  Is it hard, sure but well worth the path that I'm on instead of the path I was on .  I love our Lord and know that he loves me.  With his help and only his help can I make it through the things that I go through...  I ask for his guidance daily sometimes hourly to show me what to do and how to help not only myself heal but others also.  I want to be an example of the kind of person and love that Gods asks us to be.  I pray for this daily for him to show me that way.  I try to be fair and not judge but we all do and I just keep asking for him to show me how to just Love everyone no matter what the circumstances are. I am a pretty simple girl and don't need much.  I am not afraid to work hard for what I have and I have worked very hard in my life.  I haven't had much handed to me so this new life well I know I am going to have to work hard at it too.  I told God I was up for the challenge and boy is he putting me through that test.  No matter what I will always, always go back to him.  I ask him into my life and I meant it.  This is the life I was always meant to live, I'm just sorry it took me this long to figure it out.  But here I am,  Have a wonderful Blessed day all of you and remember to always thank our Lord... God Bless.

Yesterday was the food bank and once again came on a day that I very much needed the support from God and friends.  I had some disappointments yesterday.  I wanted to curl up and cry but I held my head up and then Josh asked me to go shopping for the food bank so that helped me take my mind off the bad that was happening.  I enjoy my time getting to know people and sharing their stories. It is a lot of work setting up and organizing this event to happen every Tuesday but I would not have it any other way.  I get a great satisfaction out of doing this for other people but most importantly it helps my sole. I am trying to keep the faith strong and obey him and walk in his word.  So I will go about my day with only good thoughts and when the bad one come I will remember that Jesus gave his life for our sins so we should focus on us and not of others doings.  I am getting there with this process it is not easy re programming you brain to no bad thoughts as the way of this world is not very good.. I love the Lord and what he has done for me and my life.  God bless each one of you through your day and I hope that one day all of us can think this way.   Amen.

Today was a good day.  I spend some quality time with the youngest daughter Emma she's 8.  I picked her up from her dads and then just went to bush park.  I love that park.  I read some of my book "A Mom After God's Own Heart" I really like that book.  It showed me some verses that I needed to read out of the bible. I am also learning the true meaning of forgiveness and practicing it in my life.  I got a random text today from my girlfriends daughter I haven't talk to in awhile.  She is moving to Salem so I am really excited to introduce her to my church I think she will like it a lot.  Well I hope she does.  This transformation that God is doing for  me in my life is amazing me I cant even imagine what people think when they see me if I am this amazed.  I Love having this new life and I am not saying it is easy to start over but I am saying it is worth it.  To have the Lord on my side and know that he is there to pick me up and carry me through is more than I can ask for.  I really want to follow and obey him as he asks us to.  I have made and continue to make these changes in my life that effect everyone around me.  I hope for the better.  I know that the choices that I make are  examples to my children and people watching me.  You do things through out the day and people watch and see how you handle them.  So act as if all those people are God or of him,  Because he is watching all the time.  I know I don't want to let him down.  I do but I also know he knows I'm trying so I will continue to fight for him.  Everyone have a blessed evening God bless.

Sunday,,,,, My favorite day. because it is Gods day full of Love.  Church like usual was wonderful, great message.  I feel like every time I walk through those doors that God tells them what I need to hear. My private sermon,.  I however know that he works in every ones lives but I would like to think it is my message so please don't burst my bubble.  I have had a lot of personal things lately and should be crawled up in a ball some where with a straight jacket, But I have God on my side.  I know he will guide me and provide for me. He has wonderful plans for me and I have met great people on this journey.  I am not saying this is easy to stay in this frame of mind because it is not, but I know he loves me and I also know that there are a lot of people out there that truly love me too and pray for me daily.  This I know for sure.  I love all them back with all my heart... I do have a big heart and a lot of love to share.  There was a message this morning that I have a hard time doing Forgiving.  Truly forgiving.  Now this is hard I have had a lot of heart ache in my life and so forgiving doesnt come easy to me.. It was also nice to hear at church that I am not alone in this process cause even the pastor has this challenge.  Also I have a wall that I am working on tearing down.  So each day I will work a little harder on both.  I started to give my heart away and started to give it to the wrong person which made me back up again.  I have to remember to trust in God and choose his path.  I was talking to some friends after church today and expressed how I needed to forgive as some of that pain was self inflicted.  I will pray for my forgiveness as I could have choose a better path.  So I do forgive just letting go is hard.  Anyway moving on to the love I need to share is so great.  I am meeting more and more people with the same path as I am in and that helps me love even more.  What a great thing God does for us. Thank you so much God for sharing this wonderful loving day of worship with us... I love you.... God bless each and everyone of you....

I had a wonderful day with my oldest daughter, that time is so precious I cant even tell you.  Talking, listening and just sharing experiences with her as a young woman.  She is my world along with the other two children God blessed me with.  I just told someone that he gave me these 3 wonderful gifts to take care of for him and he gave me great ones.  Now that is love, true love.  You know how people say I not in love with him anymore or I just want to be in love, well turn and look at your children cause you never fall out of love with them.  I am not saying that at times they trust every ounce of patients that we have but we never fall out of love with them or we shouldn't.  I know my love gets strong and strong you think how can that happen I cant even tell you how it just does.  Your heart just akes  for them and everything they do...you never stop being a parent. This I have learned from my own parents, they are always there for me and my children.  I hope that I can teach them as they taught me to be the person that I am but even better.  I know God has in trusted us to take care of and train these precious gifts of him.  I want them to follow God and his ways and their lives will be what they want and desire. We all can have happy, successful children if we show them the way.  He is our savior and as long as they know that and they have his love and trust in their lives they will be all that we dream of.  So I promise to be a better parent and to show them the Word of God.  This is the only way.  He gave us a gift so we should give him back a gift of a child of God not this world.  Have a blessed day....

I know that through this journey with the Lord I have learned to be quick to listen.  I also am learning to be slow to anger this for me sometimes can be challenging.  This process and  re-programing is not as easy as it sounds. I know that we are to swallow our pride.  I do not need to defend my self to people or to explain why sometimes.  Let go of our Pride is what God tells us to do.  I think when we do this it helps heal that we don't need to prove to anyone what we are doing or not doing the one that counts knows all.  I went to and listened to an amazing speaker yesterday.  Her and her husband live in South Africa and she started the Baby Safe thing.  It is where woman can drop their babies and no questions asked.  Also her and her husband are ministering to families that have never had God or even heard of them in their lives.  How Cool is that.  I started to think how rewarding this is and there are much greater things out there for all of us to learn and teach about God. She is such a great speaker and I told her mom God definitely blessed her with Favor.  I was  mesmerized by every word she spoke of this country and the people in it.  I know that when you truly believe in something and your passion just shows through in everything you say and do.. I saw the passion they both had for our Lord and what they are doing in this country and with peoples lives.  They are saving their soles.  What is greater then that other than God himself.  Growing with our Lord day by day has just made me realize that you never can stop learning and teaching something about our God. He is the greatest he gives us what we need when we need it.  I was talking to a gentlemen earlier today and said God only gives us what we can handle and my sons accident is what we were talking about.  I know that God didn't take my son at that time because he knew that in that point of my life I wouldn't be able to over come that.  I myself needed saved, so he used him.  while I was mad at God because he would never be the same what we call normal he saved us both, myself and my son.  Maybe a few other lives in this process.  He gave us a second chance to change and live his way.  So I want to thank you and be obedient and pay it forward for him.  So I decided to take this blog and my experience and journey and write a book.  I don't know if it will be any good but I will be able to truly share this story with my family and the struggles that we go through. Pray for me to make a great book.  I am not a writer so this will be interesting.  God Bless you all and have a wonderful day living with our Lord on your side.

I had a hard time sleeping last night.  I would fall asleep then wake up like something was really bothering me or on my mind.  I know that this journey for me hasn't always been easy.  I have met some really great people and people who have taught me valuable lessons about what I do not want to be or what I do not want in my life. I am not judging these people they are not on the path that I am.  It does show me the path that I was on and how I do not want to go backwards.  I know that sometimes we don't even think about what we are doing or even that it may hurt someones feelings.  This is not how I want to be.  I care deeply about peoples feelings and the little things that we can do to help guide us in the right direction.  I want to make people smile and their days better as much as I can.  We can change that just by saying hello or a simple smile and looking someone right in the eyes as we do.  Showing that we do truly care. I want to live or to see other people live this way. Can you imagine what God feels like up there.  we are all his children and to see the sadness and the pain we put each other through is real tough on him.  He teaches us to Love not to hurt.  So I ask everyone out there, actually I challenge you to smile, hug, just say hello to someone, everyone you meet.  especially the ones that look sad or angry, give them some  HOPE that this world is changing for the better.  To make our Father proud.  I will put my own sorrows and pain aside to show others I do care about them and how they feel.  Every single one of us has some sorta pain inside so don't compare your sorrows because we don't know what there life and sorrows are about.  Everyone deserves Love and forgiveness, EVERYONE.  I myself have to remember that.  Pray as much as you can for this world and change, the change that we need is from God and only God.  He is the only one that can make Good and we can trust solely in him.  Have a blessed day and remember the Lord is on your side always.  God Bless.

So I did something that I was not proud of myself for and really started thinking why did I do this when I didn't want to.  I asked God for his forgiveness and I know he forgives me and I need to move on and do the right thing make it right.  well, I also was thinking why if I am on this path would God allow this to happen.  He wants us to learn and grow and the only way we can do this is through mistakes.  I also think that everyone and everything happens for a reason and God puts people in our path for his reasons not ours.  I think sometimes we get lost trying to figure this out.  I did something in this process and I think that God tried to warn me and I didn't listen once again.  What is wrong with me, I ask.. well we think in a different way then what God does.  I am trying to program my brain to the right way, his way.  This journey has not been easy and anyone that starts one with the lord is going through one all I have to say if don't give up.   I am not giving up and I will continue on his path.  Evil throws things our way and trys to get us from our path but he will never steer me away from God.  Yes I may make my mistakes and now I know that when I do that God does forgive.  He will never leave me and so I will not worry about that anymore.  I do know that this gives me more drive to be a better person as he was to all.  My heart has truly changed and I love so much that sometimes that is what hurts.  There is so much love you don't know how to give it out.  Have a wonderful day to all of you out there and to my sweet, sweet, boy if you are reading this momma loves you so very much and I am proud of the man you have become.  Through all the things you have been through in such a short life.  You my son inspire me...God gives us these precious gifts to learn and teach from them and you are my gift from God as your sisters are also.  My love is always with you through out your day and forever.  XOXOXO God Bless

Tuesday today and the food bank,  I tell ya this day always seems to come when I feel the worst.  I enjoy meeting new people and sharing the love I have for the Lord.  You know when you do something you know is wrong and feel really ashamed it seems as if God puts someone in your direction to let you know that he still loves you and forgives you.  I did that, I did something I am ashamed of and not feeling real good about myself today.  I know he forgives me but its me I need to forgive and learn from this.  I knew it was wrong and the journey that I am on makes me feel worse.  You know you look at this world and all the things that people think are okay and if you do these things that you are okay.  Well, you are okay but Gods way is not the way of this world.  I just want to make him proud and do the right thing and not the things of this world.  So I promise to try harder.  I want to set an example to my children and other people listening to my story and not continue to make the same mistakes that I made before.  I want to make God proud and I want to be able to say I over came that, I did and know he is proud and I am proud of myself.  So I will move past what I am feeling right now and like my daughter and my best friend say God knows my heart and that I am sorry. I am so glad that we have a loving God and he forgives us.  I do feel that we have to make these wrongs right.  So I will do that.  I have been working so hard to change the way I was to who I want to be I forget to take a little time to reflect.  I love the Lord so very much and will continue on his path and his way not the ways of this world.  Amen, Everyone have a blessed day and remember to tell him thank you for all of our sins.  He likes to be thanked just as we do....

So as I go into this day and other days I want to go into it with an open heart the heart that God gave me to share with others.  I know that we are also to guard our hearts so I ask you how do you do both.  Well, I think you do what is right and good and the other follows after. Now do our hearts get hurt sometimes of course they do.  This is the learning process that he helps us with and we remember we are not going through this alone.  He is there and I am sure you have all heard this that he only gives us what we can handle.  Its hard to believe sometimes that we are that strong but we are of him and he lives inside of us. I was talking to my sister in law tonight and she made me feel better and she told me how strong that she thought I was.  I know that with God that I can get through all the bad times that evil sends my way.  I am trying so hard to be strong some days and not sure what the direction is that I am going from time to time but I do know that God is guiding me in the direction.  I am working so hard to stay on his path.  I just don't want to over think it.  God bless all of you out there that are wondering which direction to go and the struggles that your journeys bring.

Today I realized that I need to truly let go of somethings that I'm not letting go of.  To truly let go and move on is very hard.  We want to control the situation or let go of part of it hoping for something else.  I not sure what I am hanging onto but I do know it is holding me back.  I will ask God to forgive me for the sins that I have done and move on.  Now will I have to ask him daily or hourly maybe but I mean this and want this.  I want to let go of it and I will.  I will forgive and ask forgiveness.  I want more from this life and do not want to be angry with anyone.  I want the best for them no matter what they have done to me and continue to do. I do know that in their time God will come to them and show them.  So now it is my time and my time to move on the path and plan he has for me.  I am blessed that he guides me in his direction daily and I know that he has Great plans.  I can not wait to share this with other people and let them know he is real and he will heal your heart.  So be kind and forgive those who do not know better and pray for them and the ones that do know better really need our love and he forgives all. I will move forward today because I will forgive and ask for forgiveness for all that I have been holding on to and ask him to guide me in his direction to help me with this process.  God bless all of you have a very blessed day.

I had a great day yesterday with my friend and my youngest daughter,  Even the negative things that were thrown at me I didn't let them get to me.  I think finally I'm learning.  It is still hard and I know what the right thing to do is, instead of fighting back and making everyone upset and angry.  I don't need to point fingers or justify or even defend what I do.  I know what I do is the way of God for the most part.  I know that I am not intentionally trying to hurt anyone.  I am trying to make my life better and more importantly teach my children about the Truth and that is what God would want me to do.  I really feel that the act of kindness to whom ever it may be (ex- someone you don't know, just anyone.)  makes a difference and some how I believe it will change that person and make you feel good in the process.  The process of changing our life's to this way is not easy and doesn't happen over night, but what I do know is that when I do this I know I get one step closer to our Lord.  That is my goal and my goal to show my children that the ways of this world and to be hateful and fight back is negative and is not the ways of God.  God knows the truth of what I am doing and that is the only person you need to prove anything to.  I started to feel down today and remembered who was on my side.  I thought for a moment I wanted to be that girl (the one that got picked) and remember no I don't.  I feel for that girl as she doesn't know the truth.  I felt like my prayers weren't answered when in fact they were.  Thank you God you ROCK and you are my WOW factor.  My focus lies on you and what my mission is.  I ask for Grace and for forgiveness as the thoughts I had were not of you.  I know that in time I will get my prayers just in your time.  For now I want to serve you and do as you ask.  I know I will stumble on days because that is the child that I am which you are fully aware of.  So I love you Lord and please guide me to your direction.  God bless everyone out there.

So yesterday was Tuesday and I had and interview and it went well I am sure.  I am really ready to get back to work.  I was sitting in the waiting room trying to fill out the application that they give you and there was a gentleman from church with his wife.  He is always extremely friendly to me and I didn't want to ignore him cause I was filling out my application.  So I was trying to do both.  I believe that everything happens for a reason and nothing is a coincidence. This man happens to be a head injury person that was injured in Vietnam.  Well another head injury person in my life and he is so sweet.  I feel like God is putting these people in my life and around me for some purpose. I am not quite sure why just yet but I will know soon, I feel it.  The food bank for very successful yesterday we shared food with around 46 or so families.  We were discussing how fast it has grown since we started it.  Faster than any one around and other food banks are wanting to learn from us, ones that have been around a lot longer than us.  Wow when you put something in Gods hands how he makes things happen.  I want to serve him and do what he has planned and ask him to guide me to know what to do and who to share with.  He is an amazing God and I wish people would just stop and see him for what it truly is.  I was thinking yesterday how I could have changed my life just by going to church and doing things right.  I looked at that and how I did do most of that but when you walk with God you really walk with him and you eat, breath, think him.  I am working on this process through everything that I do.  I am taking this class at church called A Mom After God's Own Heart. I really like this class and I also get to meet other mothers that want what I want.  How great is that.  Have a great day everyone and God Bless you all.

Boy  who ever said that following the Lord and staying faithful to him and his way is easy was not being truthful.  Yes of course it is rewarding but the test that we go through some times can seem unbearable.  I started this journey with my friend Lisa and boy have we been through a lot together.  Right now it seems as if we try and try to stay on his path and evil tries its hardest to distract us from doing Gods work.  I know that we are stronger together and that we will defeat evil.  I never want to go back to my old life but sometimes I can say I look at it and think and know the reason I stayed so long. It was easier but of course the things that I did were just a band-aide for life's solutions.   I don't want a band-aide or nor do I want to cover up the feeling with something else.  I want to live the life he has planned for me but boy can  we just get started  with the good part.  I know we have to go through the bad to appreciate the good. I am praying that things are about to change greatly for both of us.  I want our families to enjoy and live the way God intended it to be.  I am ready for this and I know it wont be easy but the challenge I am ready for.  I have been challenged with some pretty tough decisions lately and I know that the closer I get to God I get to the Truth. The Truth is what he wants from us.  If we know him which is through bible then we know what to do.    Does this make it easy, well no it doesn't but we know that when it comes to judgement day that we can say we made the right choices.  It is a process re-training your brain to re-think that the ways of this world are not right and that God has much better ways.  God is in every decision that I make and I know that Lisa feels the same way.  That there is not one thing I can think of that doesn't involve him and the way he is trying to transform this world through us.  He is the most amazing, incredible God.  I want him to show me what to do and who to help.  I want the gift that people see him through me.  I'm ready Lord and so is Lisa  so lets Go....I Love you, We love you so much.  Amen.  God Bless all of you.

Today is Sunday as you all know it is my favorite Day.  It is a day of celebrating our Lord with the ones that we love.  All my children are gone so today I will celebrate the Lord with my church family and my sister.  This past week has brought me some surprises but nothing I couldn't handle because I have the Lord with me and on my side.  what a wonderful feeling knowing that it seems bad at the time but there is a reason and learn from it.  I freely give my heart away but I was led to a place in the bible through a dear friend to Love but to guard your heart. I was thinking that when God asks us to love is to love no matter what and if your heart gets hurt in the process then he will heal it.  Well yes and no I believe that he wants us to Love but to also be wiry.   So this I am learning.  I also know he wants me to focus on him and his works and not the things that I want.  So this I am also working on. I saw something at my girlfriends this weekend explaining three gifts that God gives us and it was extremely interesting.
1.  Wisdom-Knowledge of the Holy Spirit.
2.  Favor- Being Pretty or Handsome and when people see you they see God....
3.  Anointing- Having the Holy Spirit.
There is alot more to understand about these three gifts.  I am blessed that the Holy Spirit guides me and I feel him.  This experience is amazing and encourages me to move forward with the Lord.  Wisdom I believe comes in time unless God fills your head with this and this is a miracle.  Favor comes responsibility to let people know of the Lord, share him because when they see you they see this prettiness that God has given you to be able to share his greatness.  I am excited for church today and remember if you want these gifts from God ask him.  I also have learned that when we pray for things that God answers my prayers. He shows us and sometimes we ignore because it isn't what we want to hear.  He has his reasons why.  I was just listening to something and this pastor said ask and you will receive and sometimes as we pray for answers God doesn't just boom give them to us we need to read his word and understand his way of thinking to be able to hear him talk to us and direct us.  So remember to read your bible.  I know I struggle with this daily but I also know that when I do I do understand what he would do.  Have a wonderful blessed day and the Lord will guide you if you ask him and obey.  The Holy Spirit will come into your live and guide you if you ask.  I Love all of you.  Amen

So this week so far has headed in a great direction.  Other than my girls are going to be gone.  Emma is at her dads for the week and Brianna leaves for her dads today.  I am not used to having this time to myself.  I like it and I don't. I love being a Mom that is why I miss it so...Had our food bank at church yesterday again. It is every Tuesday.  Once again met some amazing people, but this week I met this couple that have a testimony that most of us would love to share with God.  Well, maybe because you have to put your whole trust in him and not  believe or care about the ways of this world.  God started reaching out to them to move to Salem Oregon from Columbia.  They didn't know why and had no family here.  I say had because we are now there new family. They came with nothing but themselves and not knowing why he led them here but obviously it is for a great purpose. They said 3 weeks ago since they stepped into our church NEW HOPE everything started going right and God started giving them gifts and providing for them.  I cant wait to here more of there testimonies.  I promise I will share them with you all.   I am going into this day with the mind set that God has his plans and he will show me as I go.  Just follow and he will provide all.  I start my Mothers Life Group today at 10 and I am looking forward to studying his word with other Mothers.  Have a great day everyone and God Bless you in all your works.

So yesterday I learned a valuable lesson,  it doesn't matter when you love someone forgive them.  Boy it feels  good when you do to.  It is like a huge weight lifted off and to be able to move forward in Gods path what an amazing thing.  Friendship is really important and we shouldn't let the little things in this world influence us in a bad way to destroy what God has put in our path.  Last week wasn't good for me but I will tell you this I learned alot.  Once again God brings good out of the bad.  I love him so much.  I am glad that I choose to listen this time. I  want to love like he does and with love comes forgiveness.  I know I can never love that much but I am going to try and be that person, who cares and forgives.  I have changed so much about me in the last year that I look in the mirror and even listen to myself sometimes and say WOW  is this me... I am thankful for all this he has given me and continues.  I have met amazing people and continue to meet them.  God is the most wonderful, amazing thing.  I want more and more everyday.  You couldn't peel me away.  Don't get me wrong I know I am not perfect but I love the Lord  more and more each day.  I try and remember when things are bad he is with me and boy do I feel him.  I am blessed with this gift.  THANK YOU GOD,,,,Amen.

Church was good today.  The pastor talked about not settling for less.  This has been my goal for awhile now.  I have settled to many times in my life.  I would do it again because I go three wonderful children out of this life but now it is Gods turn.  I want what he has planned and to believe in his plan.  To show him how much I love him and learn his way.  To show people the goodness of God through my changes and how I live my life.  If I can help one person this helps me.   I need this for my self and for me to grow with our Lord.  I want to serve him in whatever way he wants me too.  I moved out 3 months ago and have let the Lord guide me and he is doing a wonderful job and holding my hand even when I try and lead.  I believe he will continue to pull me his direction and I am also sure I will from time to time try and lead but he is always there when I let go and let him lead.  How awesome is that.  He never fails and he never leaves.  I m not used to that. Thank you Lord I love you so much.  Amen God bless all of you

This last week was a test of all my patience.   Had car accident, broke my phone, and I could go on but it is a blessing no one is hurt and I got my phone fixed without paying the deductible.  I went to my parents for the 4th and it was fun.  I always feel save and loved when I go there so I guess I really needed that time with them.  I also had a bad week spiritually last week with some personal issues.  I know that God is with me every step of the way.  It made me re-evaluate my friends and what I want and need in my life to progress in Gods path.  I also haven't really had a break down since I moved out.  So I guess that I was over due for this.  I usually can hold it together but maybe this was Gods way of saying let go and leave behind. I also learned that you need to only put your faith and love and trust into God and his way and he will hold your hand through all this.  I am very blessed to have him with me and guiding me through these times.  What an awesome God we have.  I was thinking the other day that without his help I probably would have ran back to my old life and just dealt with the unhappiness because it was easier and didn't seem so lonely.  I didn't run that direction this time.  I put my faith in his love and he carried me through it and continues to do so.  Thank you Lord for this. Amen.  God bless each of you through your day and weeks ahead....

Had a couple lonely moments the last couple of days but I have had more moments of good then bad so things are good.  Went to my Portland and spent some time with my parents today.  Always love seeing them, and it also makes me happy.  I always feel safe.  The food pantry was successful yesterday.  I always enjoy it and look forward to meeting new people.  It is my one way of giving to people that are less fortunate then me and that isn't saying much.   I don't have a lot of money to give but I do have time and my love for the Lord to share.  So I try and help in the ways that I can.  It has been almost 3 months since I moved out and It feels longer but its because we were living separate lives before I left.  I do miss having a yard to work in and relax in but I do have the church.  My life has completely changed I am happy and enjoy the time I have with my children. I thank the Lord for all this as it would not be possible without him.  I am ready to move forward in his path and learn and follow.  with him by my side I can do anything.  So I will live like I am a called person in a called place.  God bless you all.

Had a good day yesterday, a friend from church called and hadn't heard from him in a while.  He is having some personal problems and just needed an ear and a friend.  It was fun hanging out with him and went to a baseball game with him and some other friends.  This is what life is about everyday, helping and giving to others.  I learned a lot just listening.  I learned a lot about some of the things that I do and have done in a relationships that I want to change and will try hard not to do in my next relationship that is filled in Gods word. I know that no relationship is perfect that they all need work from time to time but with God it can and will work, you just have to ask him.  I also know that if you don't ask you will not receive.  If you want to live a blessed life with God you must obey him.  He will always love us but he will only bless us if we follow his word.  This is how we need to teach our children to follow our rules weather it makes since or they agree.  If they obey they will also receive blessings.  I came home from the game last night and watched Daystar and that is the message they were talking about.  So we must pay attention to how we teach and what our children see.  I know that I haven't been the best role model but I vow to try much harder and it is never to late.  Show your love to your children, and they will show their love to everyone.  This is learned.  It also can be changed if you weren't show this from your childhood.  This I know because I was that child.  So I do know it is not to late.  God bless and have a wonderful blessed day living in the word of God and share with the ones you love and the ones you meet.  Smile at everyone and let them see you love from your heart. we all have some very big hearts, God just ask that we share this love with all.  Amen.

So I have to say to everyone SORRY, my goal was to write on this page everyday.  However; I got a little distracted by my own self pity.  I wanted to write about wonderful things that my life was changing and how God has done great things.  I forgot to put down the struggles of how hard this can be some days.  My  life has changed completely and fast, some days it is a bit overwhelming.  I used to drink and drink alot. I didn't realize how much until I really thought about it.  I numbed the pain of life the life that I was living and the life I choose not the life God choose for me.  I did a lot of things that I am not proud of, but I know that God as forgiven me because I asked for his forgiveness.  I work daily at this process and as the pastor said this is a process.  A process to follow God and each day gets better with struggles along the way.  We can always remember that God is here and he is with us. I know that sometimes I feel alone and out of control but this is what our knees are for.  Ask God for help not this world and the things in this world.  I think that some days I get to excited to get there to fast and don't remember the process, its like reading a book the beginning is so good we forget to read the middle and we go straight to the end to find out what happened.  we loose something doing this, we loose all the important stuff by doing that.  The middle is where all the answers lye.  I am so grateful for this life that God has blessed me with.  I have new and old friends that are always in my heart.  I am learning forgiveness and trust and for me this is BIG.  I don't want to Judge any ones actions as my own actions are questionable.  In this process of life changing I am learning this, this is what is in the middle so people please read the middle it is so important and you don't want to miss out on what God has for us in the great book of our life's with the Lord, I know I don't.  I will work harder on my goal to write on this page more often.  Thank you to everyone that is out there reading and helping me through this.  God Bless each and everyone of you....

This week has been crazy, Sorry for not writing and letting you all know what is going on. Tried to get caught up on things at home on Wednesday and Thursday cooked for an international exchange group from church and spent some time with a friend after.  Friday came up  to Portland to my parents and it was also my sons  birthday, Wow 23 he is catching up with me at 29 hahaha.  Today is Saturday and going to spend some time today with my parents then go home and get ready for the children's ministry Sunday as I serve in the morning class.  Excited for church I missed it it last week as I was in Newport at my nieces graduation.  God is working  hard in my  life teaching me Trust and Forgiveness and this for me is the hard ones.  I am learning how to give up some of this and I know that it doesn't come over night but with him by my side I can do this as I have done for many other things in such a short time.  I was talking about how I have done this with several people this week each and every time explained that I only achieved this because of God and God only.  He is everything I do, everything I think and everything I want. I know that if I think about what I want and how I want it and how I want to achieve it, if I remember Gods way and what he would  do then it will happen.  Just be patient and it comes.  I was talking to Lisa and we were remembering that when we started this journey what he told us and all of it is falling into place.  God doesn't lie and he never leaves us.  Some days definitely are harder then others but I couldn't make it with out his help. I thank you lord with all my heart.   Amen.

Just  got home from the Food bank at my church.  Met a lot of really nice people.  I witnessed the best kind of kindness that comes from God today.  It touched my heart so much.  There was a lady at the food bank that was struggling with being there (Pride) Another lady that was there to get a box of food  came from a table and was comforting her.  Letting her know that we all in these hard times struggle and it is okay to ask for help sometimes.  This was an act of kindness that only God can bring.  Yesterday Bri and I watched this movie and it was about a girl that was given a gift from God at birth but with this gift comes rules,  first never lie, second always be fair, third never break a promise.  This really made me think of things that I do and how I want to be.  I want to be all these things and to keep my promises to God that I have made.  I want to serve him in all the ways that he needs me and to be the person that he would be proud of.  I know I do wrong in the eyes of God but I also know that I can make it right and that he will always love me.  This is also the way I want to raise my children to know that it is okay to make mistakes that he will never leave you but to also remember that the love he has for us is the kind of love we need and should show to other people.  So I leave you with those three things to think about as I will continue to think about them.  God bless

So I woke up at 3 am this morning feeling the Holy Spirit.  So I opened my bible and started reading.  I read about how to follow in God commandments and you shall inherited into his kingdom.  That is what I want so what I will do is to do my best to follow his rules.  Just as we ask our children to follow our rules it shouldn't be that hard to follow his rules.  I know that the ways of this world don't always make that easy but what I do know is that when it gets hard I will do what I always do, cry out to him as he is the only one that can guide us and see us through.  I am making pasta salad to take to the beach for my nieces graduation celebration and I am really excited to see everyone.  I pray the weather permits today.. Everyone have a blessed day and remember when we think that it is so hard ask God to take your hand and walk with you.  God bless

Yesterday I had a great day again with my girls, had a wonderful dinner then just enjoyed some quiet time with them.  Sure miss having my son with us.  that would have made it perfect. went and worked out this morning and watched Daystar as I was running and a message sorta hit home for me.  It said when God is about to bless you, what you should do is ask God how can I bless you?  I try and do this daily as I start out my day I pray and ask god how can I serve you, guide me to what it is that you want me to do and to whom you would like me to help.  I know that as we help people they help us it is never a one way street.  I try and smile or just say hello to people that I pass, you never know how this may change their day and yours.  I was just thinking as I was typing (scary I know) that as you do this, smile, say hello, open a door for someone, just any nice gesture that this helps you to stay positive and in Gods path.  So remember that you are not just helping them you are doing what God wants us to do.  This is just the right way to live for all of us.  Try it and tell me this doesn't work. smile at everyone even if they look real mad especially the ones that look real mad.  it makes you feel good and they will think about their bad mood and maybe just maybe smile back at you.  Tomorrow I am headed to Newport to my nieces graduation.  I am so very proud of her, she is so beautiful and smart what a great package.  of course she is related to me. hahahahaha  Everyone have a very blessed day I love you and so does God..

So today I had a wonderful day. I was driving up to Portland to my dads I saw someone from my past and started thinking of things from my past, when I drove by that person and then they were gone.  Then I saw another and then it came to mind Boy is God trying to tell me something.  So once again drove by and left him in my rear view mirror.  So I got to thinking what does this mean,  well this is what I came up with.  They were once a part of my life but no longer in that way will they ever be.  when I was looking back I realized that is in my past and to keep moving forward to the great things that God has planned for me.  Let go of that past and your future will be more then you expected it to be.  So I forgave myself and now I free myself from that thing that was holding me down.  Is this not amazing that God shows us these things and hopefully we can figure it out because it is not a coincidence that two people from my past were both on the freeway at the same time just minutes apart.  So thank you Lord for that lesson today you freed me from what I was holding on to.  I am blessed in so many ways.  Amen

so I know that I haven't wrote on here for a couple of days.  God has directed me in some pretty busy ways.  Saturday we had a parking lot sale to earn money for our youth camp.  we earned 4 thousand on peoples junk.  Long day but really worth every ounce of time.  Church was amazing Sunday.  we had a guest speaker he talked about everything that I needed to hear.  I let go of things that I thought I couldn't and realized that everyday I will continue to heal with Gods help.  Monday worked out then came home and did some things around here. Made stew and home made bread and spent to great mother and daughter time with my oldest daughter.  I know that God has these amazing plans for me in the works so I am ready for all this to happen I am ready for his plan.  Today I will go to my exercise class work out harder then I ever have then Food Bank tonight.  I will get to meet people that God wants me to meet and as I am helping them they help me.  I am still praying for Taylor she is a girl that has some major back problems that is 17 years old and is awaiting surgery.  My sister and friend Lisa and Whitney and I went up Friday night and prayed with her and her mother.  I ask God for total healing as I know that I can not do this but he can.  So I will continue to ask for this.  I hope that you all have a great day and God bless all of you... Amen.

Yesterday was a very challenging day.  I learned a lot of about people and their ways and how to react to that in Gods way.  Even though people may think that they know you or what you are going through and don't.  Try not to let that get to you.  It is super hard as our heart gets hurt by hurtful things.  I also learned something myself, I thought I knew something about someone else and where that person was but I didn't.  That person showed me love and protection and that I was not expecting.  Some I got to see and experience a situation from inside and out, and how that made me feel.  So when you look at this what we need to remember doesn't matter how we feel or what they made us feel like ever situation deserves to be treated like God was handling it.  It can turn someones thinking around including your own.  I know it isn't easy this this kinda world but it is so important  to try and be the Godly person that  our LORD would want us to be.  Love each other and leave the judging to him.  Thank God for all this.  AMEN

Today I want to thank God for the things that he has given me the opportunity to move forward with. I struggle some days with the things that drag me down.  The pressure that I feel on my chest is letting this hold me back. I learned this yesterday and know I will let go of that.  I will ask God to take this from me and to help me let go and free myself from this pain and hurt that I hold on to.  I thought I was letting go but its here and I feel it.  I know I can do this as I have done much bigger.  I also know that God will be with me guiding me in the direction of him and helping with this next step.  So I will begin my day with all this and letting go of it to free my heart to what God has open for me.  I think sometimes we think that we are free but deep berried somewhere in there it comes out.  Through our thoughts or just how we protect ourselves from this.  God will protect us.  So I ask you Lord let me free myself of this pain and move forward today in your plan and stop looking for mine.  I want to live like you and with you always inside me.  Thank you for sending your son to take this from us so that we can be free to be with you.  This I am so grateful for and cant serve you enough to repay what you son paid for us.  I will try today and ever day I have here to be the servant that you son was.  I LOVE YOU so very much, you are the first thing in my life and everything else comes after you.  I know this sometimes is hard but I know that you will carry me through anything.  Amen.

This morning I heard a quote "there are two important days in our life's, the first is the day you were born the second is the day you discover why".  That meant a lot to me and I tell you I am still figuring out why.  I was really moving fast with something and I needed to step back and review why I was moving fast and I think i figured it out.  I want to move into Gods direction and I know he will take me there, well I mean that he is taking me there and I am grateful for that every moment.  I learned a lot lately about people and how they can be and what do we do with those feelings.  I know that God doesn't want us to hurt but also know this is a learning process.  It is sometimes very painful but out of this pain comes greatness.  I know he is with me and will never give me more pain than I can handle.  its doesn't feel like that when the ones we love and trust the most are the ones that hurt us.  But remember one thing that one day they too will realize what they have done and learn just as we have.  Thank you GOD.  I cant ever picture my life without you and what you bring me.  You have brought me more joy and love then all the pain that I have gone through.  That is what I remember every time I feel hurt.  The Joy that comes after is so great.  I LOVE YOU GOD>>>>> follow him he brings greatness.

It is Memorial day, I want to thank all the ones that have died and sacrificed for our freedom. What an honor to have all these people we don't even know fight for us.  Tell me that God didn't live in each of them, you know he did. Yesterday at church Mike Byes talked about his son Adam who served our country and died last year.  This is an amazing man, family.  He is speaking on behalf of his son today at first star I believe.  but what he asked us to do was to stop whatever we are doing at 11:00 am and pray and honor or fallen.  They all deserve this so if you are reading please take that time and do this.  when Adam died I just started my journey and I felt the Holy Spirit with his name and his family.  Then at church I felt it with his family and didn't realize that it was his family.  So he is a part of my life and I will honor him and all the others that have given me freedom.  Freedom to choose what and when I do things, just as God has given us freedom.  We all have the freedom to choose,  I choose to be a follower of Christ because this choice to me is the ONLY good choice.  He directs me to great people and blesses me by choosing him.  He shows me and guides me to a wonderful life of him and good.  Good people, Good family, Good church, Good friends GOOD LIFE.  what more could I ask for.  Thank you Lord.  I praise you so much and love you for loving me.  I give my whole self to you, to serve and honor you Lord for my days.  Amen

Today is Sunday my favorite day of the week now.  I want to serve you Lord in anyway that you may need me.  Please guide me that direction and let me know who it is that needs your guidance and who I can help with your words.  I had a great day yesterday, had coffee with an old and very dear friend.  I am so glad that I had a dream about him that led us up to meet.  Forgiveness is a wonderful thing, it shows how to be thankful for all the blessings that God gives us.  It gives us purpose for the reason that jesus died for us. without this we only have darkness Thank you my Lord.  I praise you for it and sing to the highest to praise you.  Which is a funny thing cause I cant sing but boy it seems as if I am made to sing when I think of him and sing it just comes flowing out.  In my mind it is beautiful, but I realize that not to everyone else does is sound so beautiful. Just as I was writing this the song "you are beautiful my sweet sweet song" started playing.  I am really singing now.  My day is started out wonderful and I and the Lord with me will make this even more wonderful.  I ask him to give me patience and understanding today.  I love you so so so very much My GOD.  Amen.

Good morning everyone. I hope that you all had a good night. I did I got to talk to someone special till late and that made me smile.  Anyway I want to talk about something that I struggled with for awhile.  I thought I wanted something so bad because it pretended to be so good.  I knew in my heart that it wasn't what it seemed.  God warned me several times why did I not listen.  Good question and it just about took my friendship away with someone very dear to me.  We were also warned about that.  I know that people are not always what they appear to be and I guess I just wanted to believe that someone that says they are christian and go to church and say they really believe are not of these ways but I was wrong.  I am not judging as I have my own sins that I battle with.  I just want to let people out there know that even though we think something is so good and right it isn't aways what it appears to be, as God says love all but be weary of their wicked ways.   So really I mean really listen to what God is trying to tell you and there is a reason we don't always get what we want.  Trust me I know this all to well, but I also know that there is something much better ahead.  I am glad I waited cause he has blessed me with this.  Knowing the TRUTH about this helped me heal. The TRUTH shall set you free.  This means so much more now.  God you are truly amazing and I am a very blessed girl so Thank you and I do praise you for all the blessing you continue to shine in my heart and I didn't ever think I could be this happy.  Thank you thank you thank you Lord our God for being beside me and guiding me.  I am GRATEFUL.  Amen

So today is about Sharing, sharing the love of the Lord and restoring Faith.  I have no problem sharing the Love of our Lord,  I enjoy talking about him to anyone who wants to listen and or share their experiences with me too.  I like to hear what they are going through and what I can learn from them.  There is always something new to learn, what a great thing.  God is blessing me beyond my wildest dreams.  My friend Cliff lost his father the other morning, so my heart is with him in this time of need.  I know that Michael is with you Lord and that he is out of pain and happy.  I am grateful for that, thank you. Please help ease the pain of a loss one for Cliff and let him know that there are people out there that really care. Amen and God bless

Today I simply just want to say Thank you to our Lord.  I want to praise him for the blessings that he has given me and continues to bless me.  I was talking to my friend last night about this and how much I can not even picture my life any other way.  I always want to feel the Lord in my life and continue going forward.  I want to become everything that he has always wanted for me. I cant even imagine my old life anymore I know that this is the only way is to be with him and continue to serve him in anyway that he needs me.  I ask him to guide me and show me what to do today, tomorrow and the rest of my life.  I know that whatever it is that he has planned for me is much more then what I thought my plans were.  I know he will only give me the life that is the best life ever.  Boy oh Boy is this so very exciting.  Lord I love you more and more.  I want to become more and more his servant.  My prayers still go out to Cliff and his dad in Italy please if any of you are reading say a prayer for a miracle for Michael and his health.  As we know Lord that we can not heal him, but you can.  I believe you will.  Thank you Lord and continue to hold my hand and show me the way.  I cant imagine any other hand I would hold and fully trust to take me your way.  This I am very thankful for.  Amen

I was awaken again just as I was sent an email from a special friend.  I am still praying for him and his dad that is ill.  I was thinking about something that was said to me awhile back.  God gives us what we pray for, maybe not in the exact package that we wanted but in the one God thinks is best for us.  what an amazing thing to say.  this just made me think that sometimes we don't look deep enough and if we did what would we find.  So I say Pray to God ask him and you shall receive in his gift wrapping not the one we pick.  If you are not sure which one or what is from God ask him.  He will show you just as he is showing me.  I am so blessed to have the gift of him in my life and to be able to Love our God in a way that we could never explain.  My dear friend said to me the other day that the Love for our children as most of you know is the strongest Love, stronger and different from any kind of Love that things, men, can give us.  So imagine what kinda of Love God gives us as we are all his children it is much more then what we could ever feel as he has this amazing Love for all no matter what. I have to thank you Dee for this because it inspired me to think and realize what I have and that is all that matters.  Love does Conquer all.  Or should I re site the song "Love is all we need".  What amazing people and things that God does for me and you.  I will leave you all with this today.... I LOVE EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU...Amen to our Lord....God Bless

I was awoke this morning just as a friend needed me.  Thank you Lord for that, I am glad that I could listen to him and share this with him.  My prays go out to his dad Michael as he is ill.  He is flying to Italy tonight to be with him so have a safe trip.  when I was talking to him I was also realizing myself what Gods purpose is and this isn't our plan but his. He chooses how we go and there is a reason and a purpose.  Does this make it easy to loose a loved one, no not at all. But what can make our hearts not hurt so much is that we know where this person will be and whom they will be with.  Our Lord Our God, how great is that.  I miss all my family that has passed but I also know that they are with God and they help us through some of our times here.  I do pray very much that God looks after Michael and takes his pain and cancer away make him whole and one with God.  What an amazing GOD that we have and I am here to thank him.  Thank you Lord for bringing these kinds of people into my life.  I love you so very much.  Amen

So my goal today is to get out there and share the word of God as much as I can.  I want to share my blessings with the world and show then that God does this for everyone out there that believes.  He likes to bless us and it makes him proud.  I asked God for the gift of people seeing him through me and he has given me that so in return I will give back by telling everyone what a great God he is.  I cant wait to share my life with someone that is on the same path as I am or even stronger. I just cant even imagine it gets better but I know it does.  God can do anything, ANYTHING.  what a miracle.  So I will go about my day with a smile for everyone, I will be quick to listen, slow to speak, I will lend a helping hand where needed and show people that this is possible to be with Gods help.  Even in the bad times.  So I ask you dear Lord guide me today in this direction and path and along my journey let me extend my arm and hands just as you do to bring in and have them walk along side of me in your direction anyone who is willing and needs your LOVE and HOPE.  Show me who and what they need and give me the strength and the resources to provide for them.  Let me be your servant in the Lord.  This I want and this I will be.  Thank you Lord for all.  God Bless and AMEN.

Church was great this morning we had some people from Canada.  I have been blessed so much with all the things that God has given me.  I continue to get blessed.  I have met someone that makes me feel amazing.  I cant wait to see where this takes me and my family.  I thank you Lord for continuing to bless me more then I ever thought possible.  I feel so Happy.  Even when there are sad times he picks me right back up.  I was talking to someone special the other day and he told me this amazing story of how mean and sad someone was to him and he turned around and did the most amazing thing for them and their family.  I knew then how special this person was and how I wanted them in my life for a very long time.  These kinda people are rare but keepers.  when we do things Gods way this is how he blesses us with people who love us and we will keep in our life's forever.  Thank you.  I have some anger that I need to get rid of and it stems from a bad relationship I am asking God to please take that away.  I have been really good with that lately, but from no where it just showed up today.  I was so ashamed.  I know that God will take this away because I am asking him to.  I believe and have faith that it will leave my life.  I will continue to pray and would appreciate anyone else who would do the same for me.  I want this to leave forever.  Thank you God and God bless you all.

So yesterday was a great day again. I went and worked out then spent some special time with my youngest daughter Emma.  Spend  a lot of time getting to know someone new.  He is awesome person.  anyway God keeps blessing me more and more each day I am a very lucky girl.  I am spending the day with my daddy today so another blessing.  Church tomorrow I am so looking forward to that. I was reading the bible yesterday and trying to figure out what it meant with my girlfriend and think that we figured it out.  We think better together that is for sure and God told us that also. I love feeling the Holy Spirit and wish everyone could feel it.  I will pray for that.  I want to thank God for all his blessings that he continues to give me and my family.  Have a great day everyone God bless.

what a wonderful day, I am so blessed to have the Lord guiding me in my journey with him.  I have met and continue to meet amazing people.  I was talking to a special friend today about the Holy Spirit and how it makes me feel so good.  I get sad when I don't feel him but I also know that he wants us to learn without having to continually guide us.  we need to know what is right and what is good. We need to show God that we are worthy of having the Holy Spirit in our lives.  I am blessed that I do have this gift. I have prayed and asked God to bring me these people in my life and he is bringing them. He does answer your prayers on his time or plan not ours so be patient and it will happen I promise.  I am the worst at this anyone who knows me will vouch for that.  I am learning though as things are starting to fall into place that waiting for his time is all it took. So maybe this will help me be more patient for the next time.  Thank  you Lord for that.  I will pray harder for that gift of patients.  I am not sure about a couple of things yet but I do know for sure one thing that he will guide me the direction he wants me to go and I thank him for that.  I love you Lord so very much....I am truly blessed in so many ways and grateful for all them.  God bless all...

I had a wonderful day thanks to our Lord,  Got to spend some time with my sister and sister in law that was very nice.  Then made lasagna, salad, bread and strawberry shortcake for dinner.  Had company that was nice.  Good food, good people what more could you ask for.  Getting to know someone new is really fun and I forgot how much.  Not used to someone being really sweet to me.  Got in my car this morning and was driving and I had to pull over cause someone put a Pink Rose and a little note that said "enough said WOW" and then flipped it over and it said ""you deserve a lot more of these".  How sweet is that... God is just working in amazing ways lately and I truly feel blessed.  I almost am a little weary as so many good things are happening.  But I know it is all God,  Thank you Lord for all this.  I will continue to do his work and obey as much as possible.  Today I know I was tested out of the blue, I walked in and  felt this overwhelming anger from no where.  But then I knew where it was coming from so I just commanded it to leave.  I cant even share just how blessed I am he truly is an amazing GOD.  People please if you dont already have him in your life just ask him.  close your eyes and say Lord I want you to come into my life and take all of me your direction and I promise he will do amazing things in your life too.  God Bless

Good morning, I am feeling a little better today I think.  I was just reading the bible 1 Thessalonians 4 it reminds us to do Gods word.  I will go about my day today doing exactly that.  I know that this is the only way. So be true to not only yourself but others.  Think about their feelings and the small things that make them happy.  Smile, laugh and enjoy what God has blessed us with.  The sun makes that a whole lot easier.  I have the food bank tonight and always enjoy the people there and the people we get to meet through the Lord.  It restores faith and brings me New Hope each time.  Stay Strong in the Lord and never give up Hope and we all can do great things in his name.  I am going to go about my day KNOWING that God has his hands on me and will help me through.  God bless all.....

So today was a good day.  I am feeling a little better, went and worked out this morning not my usual workout as I couldn't, it hurt my stomach to much.  Not sure what kinda bug this is but man it doesn't like me. Had some strange dreams last night about trust issues and really made me think today.  what my dreams were about wasn't really what I was feeling rather what someone thinks I am feeling so that is the weird part.  You know the saying time heals, well time has come and I am moving forward so I tell you thank God for this because I see what he has planned it is great.  I have had some exciting things happen in the last couple of days and man I would have never imagined me... How great is that.  I will fill you in when I have more information but I am excited about it, just don't want to jinks it.... I am so glad I didn't settle.  Everything happens for a reason and Patience  is a virtue.  I will continue on my path with the Lord cause that is the only Path I see myself on and the people waiting on the sides of the path to help me through are just a huge bonus I get along the way. Thank you Lord for this blessing you keep giving me because you love me.  I love you.. Amen.

Sunday and Mothers day, couldn't ask for a better day.  went to church early and helped in the children's ministry then went and spent time with my girls and my parents.  It was a really good mothers day.  However still not feeling good at all.  Wish I could have stayed for second service but I had a lot to do today and still moving extremely slow.  So on my way to Portland I was talking to my daughter about something that has been bugging me and I figured it out.  Do we  want the things or people that just make us say "yeah I think I do" or do we really want it all.  I know that God has been leading me into that path the one that has it all the path that shows me the light and I kept going for the night light.  I was also tested this morning with something that really makes me angry and I could have really been worse then I was but I chose to walk away and just avoid the confrontation that was about to happen.  I have met so many new people in the last few days and very interesting people.  I am excited to get to know them better and maybe learn a lot from them also.  It is extremely important to me to share the word of God with them and for them to do the same.  That is why I am glad that these people are also on the same path as I am maybe even stronger.  I cant tell you how excited I am to really share and spend time with them.  God has just done some amazing things in my life and more and more everyday I get to share and meet some truly amazing people.  God bless all of you and have a wonderful God filled evening.

I was reading the bible this morning and I read 2 Samuel 22, it just made me think alot about things that we struggle with daily.  Like pride.  now this is a hard one.  We all want to be right but are we? Right?  Huum well is it really that important to prove that we are right.  This I am learning is not that important and that if I let this go at those times then those feelings also go.  which is anger, frustration, selfishness, and letting go of that makes me feel free.  There are so many times that I want to just say you did this and that is why I did that.  But really is that important all that is in the past let it go, I know that I want to let it go that's why I'm changing my life to let go of all those things that are not important to God.  Pride is not one of them.  I know that I want to show people what God wants us to do and not what this world thinks we should do.  I want to be there for my friends and family when in need and just because.  I want to think of them before myself.  This is what I will do today, as much as I can as I am still not feeling good.  Emma has 2 soccer games today and I am excited to see them.  Then I need to prepare for the children's ministry for tomorrow morning.  I think I over did myself yesterday so I will try and take it easy today.  I want to thank all of those we prayed for me and continue to pray what great people I have in my life have a wonderful day and remember to thank and praise God for he is our Rock....Amen

Still not feeling good at all, I should have stayed in bed but I was to busy to be sick. I washed my sheets so they would be fresh when I finally got to crawl in to them tonight.  I cooked stir fry and white rice and a huge pan of brownies for the exchange bible group at the Goddards house.  I met some really nice people. I didn't stay long as the cooking took it all out of me, then I had to go to the church and water the plants cause I didn't do it yesterday since I was worse off sick wise.  Both girls are gone and I really wish Bri was here, it is not fun being sick by yourself.  Even though I was sick God still gave me the strength to get done what I needed to with out throwing up.  Thank you for that cause I was getting a little worried with all the smells.  LOL anyway I still feel like a very loved and blessed girl through God.  He does amazing things even when your down and sick.  I got to see Amanda today and she always lifts my spirits and the new people I met are really great also.  I know that everyone and everything we do and meet is Gods plan so Bring it on, hopefully I will feel better for it.. Think I will watch a movie and hopefully fall asleep. I also want to thank all the people, friends and family that prayed for me today.  I am so blessed to have all of you in my life... God bless you all and have a wonderful evening and the sweetest God filled dreams.  

So I'm not feeling all that great today, haven't been sick in a long while.  Bummed I really wanted to go to my work out class it always makes me feel better and takes my troubles away.  If I feel better later maybe I will just go run.  Anyway had a few set backs yesterday but I am not going to let that get me down.  I know that God will guide me through this and I will become stronger because of it.  Even though I am not feeling good I will try as much as I can to continue to do Gods work I know that this not only helps other see him, know him but it really helps me.  I know that through anything he will be there right with me and I am telling you I needed him last night.  He was there and I could feel his love that is what gets me through these times.  I will continue to follow his path and this or nothing else will stop me. I am determined to follow and do his work.  I hope that I can inspire one person at a time to just ask him into their life and see what he can do for them.  That is all it takes one person at a time.  God bless all a very wonderful day filled with the LORD. Amen.....

I was reading the Bible this morning and a verse comes to mind.  "If you have faith as a grain of mustard seed" You can move mountains.  I have the faith I just need to believe in that.  This world can not ever comprehend what this truly means.  I want to move mountains and show people what kind of faith I have.  I don't want to just ask God for things I want or think I need, I want to help him.  I want to show the world who he is and have them see him in me.  I know that this is possible and I do believe so I will show and share what I am learning and keep learning through him.  He never changes, his love is always faithful and he will always be by your side.  How amazing is that, truly amazing. share his message as much as you can and we can change this world to his way.  Now that is the miracle we are all waiting for.  But don't just wait do something about it.  PAY IT FORWARD.  Keep doing this and his word will spread like the plague.  Now this is a GOOD plague I want to spread as much as I can.  Thank you Lord for all your blessings to my family and I love you Amen.

LORD, You are my rock, my fortress and my Savior; my God, in whom I trust, My refuge, and the strength of my life...


I was reading this, this morning and realized that he is my Savior and that I can not do anything without him. at least the good the way I want to follow not who I was.  I do Trust in him and know that all things are possible with him.. He has brought me so much joy lately even through the sorrow.  He has picked me up when I was and am down.  I ask him to take my worries and sorrows away and he does, how great is that... Do you know anyone else that can do this.  No, I know I don't this I praise him for.  Just as you think that "Why Me" remember there is a reason for all this.  He has the answers just ask him.  He will tell you but you have to really mean it when you pray not just "Hey can I have ???"  cause that is not how it works.  He will answer your prays not all of them  because he has bigger and better plans for us.  Wow I love you God.... I want to learn to Love like he does and I know I will never even get close but boy I am going to try.. I want to make up for all the mistakes that I have made in my life so I have a lot to make up for. If I have hurt anyone one of you reading this Please forgive me for I did not know how or what I did to  hurt you and if I can make it up please let me know I want to make things right.  I Love the Lord and will go about my day doing his WORD.  Amen.  

So I have a couple of days to catch up on. Friday I went to my Daddy's house and stayed the night with my youngest daughter Emma, we went to a May 5th celebration Saturday.  Got to see my youngest brother Eric that is here from Hawaii that was really great.  Good food, family and friends and new people.  Had a great time with everyone especially my parents.  Its always nice to go home and feel like a kids again.  I always feel save when I am at there house and like I am young again.  You are never to old to need your parents love that is for sure.  My son called yesterday asked why I haven't wrote and well didn't have a good excuse.  Just had a bad week and still battling this feeling that I have and cant seem to shake it.  I don't know what it means and that is why it is really hard for me.  I know that its wrong because of the circumstance that could hurt someone.   So the greatest pain is going to be within to let go, but I know I have to, just don't want too. God would not want any of this.  He wouldn't want me hurt or hurt anyone else.  Life throw us these curves or test whatever you want to call them but what you do about it is the real test.  I know and have known what to do I just keep hoping that a different decision from the other side will happen and hasn't so I have to make it and trust me its not easy.  I know that God would want me to make the right decision not the easy one.  So I will .... I ask him for his strength because I need it and cant do this without him.  I want to walk and do things his way not what I want cause I know he has plans for me.  I ask him to take these feelings away and just move me forward.  I ask this in his sons name Jesus Christ. Amen Now today I will battle with this but I know that I can get down to my knees and talk to him when it is to hard to stand.  Remember he does listen and if you think he doesn't cause your prayers haven't been answered it is not him not listening it is because his plans are different and better then your prayers at that time.  They are better....

Faith, Hope and Love:  So my friend Lisa and I were talking about this yesterday and first you must have the Faith to get Hope to achieve Love.  Once you have Love it conquers all..... So when when you think about this saying it really brings about a greater meaning.  LOVE Love is all we need to achieve anything.  The love of our God is so much bigger then we could ever imagine and all we really need.  You think about Love in a different manner because that is how we are taught.  But really look at the meaning and wow its big real big.  If we have this Love we forgive and when we forgive we Love....I want this kind of Love, so I ask you Lord to guide me to this and show me the way to Love like no other Love.  with this and with you I know I can do anything.  If I have this kind of Love it pours out of me to others and they will see what God has to offer and ask him in to achieve the Love that they have always had with them.  This I pray not only for me but for everyone to a new brighter, Happier Life with God.  God  Bless all...

Yesterday I learned another valuable lesson.  Sometimes when we Joke with our kids or think that we are being friends to them is wrong.  we are setting examples that are not of God and this is not how he wants us to direct our children.  I had to tell him how sorry I was because I was ashamed that I thought this was funny.  So I will try harder to show them what is right and wrong, good and bad and of God and God alone.  This will help them to not even think about decisions like this as they grow up to young adults.  Don't get me wrong I have great well behaved kids, but sometimes it really is the little things that we say the sticks with them the most.  So remember love your children for they are a gift from God and he wants us to teach them in his word not the word of the world.  This I will do today and everyday forward.  Thank you Lord for these blessings that are of you.  I Love you Lord.

So yesterday was another big step toward walking forward with our Lord and man I did it.  I made it through yesterday with  the grace of God.  I have made huge changes in my life and can honestly say I am proud of myself.  I have never been good at that nor asking people for help.  God is showing me how to do both, and this is not a bad thing we all need a little help once in awhile. I am letting go of my past and starting a new future with God and this makes me feel free... Clean like I just took the longest shower of the world.  So I go into today with this in mind, I'm new and I'm for God.  Use me to do whatever it is that you would like me to do I am your employee of this world.  I want to keep my thoughts and actions in his way not the way of this world.  So I will try my hardest to be all that for him.  Yesterday I felt a little self pity but I laid down and prayed and he had me rest for a bit.  then he sent his angles to come get me, cheer me up and move on.  We all have days that we say how am I going to get through this and remember just kneel down and ask him and he will show you how you will get through this as he is showing me.  So I give him my worries and Trust that he will do this.  I believe with all my heart that he will provide the things that I need and the wisdom to show me what is important in my life.  Once again he gave me HOPE for another day of wonderful miracles through our GOD.  God bless all of you and have a day full of miracles.  Amen

I was awoken at 3 again with the word Trust.  Maybe because my whole life I have had this trust issue.  I have never fully trusted anyone, never let anyone in fully because I didn't trust them.  Well God is telling me Trust in him.  "Trust in the lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding." proverbs 3:5. We couldn't fully understand what God has planned for us because this is his way and he is God.  We here on earth want signs, proof so we can believe and trust in him.  Well, he gives us plenty we choose to look the other way.  I am choosing to TRUST in him and not look but to follow his way.  I know in my heart that this is the only way I want to go, so I say to you I TRUST he will do all the things he says he will and I will never understand how, nor do I want to even try and figure it out.  HE IS GOD and that is all I need to Trust in.  He continues to amaze me with miracles everyday.  Now that is a whole nether subject that I am sure he will talk about through this blog.  So when you go about your days with the Lord by your side, TRUST.  Just remember to Trust for he is right there with you always and he will do as he says he will.  "The lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him" Nahum 1:7.  I want to know him and I know he already knows me, so this is my time to Trust and show him that I believe that I trust in him fully for he is my GOD.  Amen

Promises:  we make promises everyday several times a day, and we break most of them without even thinking about it.  Well, really think about what promises you make and keep them.  Life has all these curves it throws at us but some or maybe even most if we are completely honest with ourselves can be avoided. Now those become excuses.  I do not want to make excuses anymore, trust me I know that I have made an over abundance of them.  So I am making the biggest promise of all and that is to GOD that I will do my best to change these habits that are not of him.  He keeps all his promises and that I am grateful for.  We talked about this at church yesterday and it inspired me to write about cause I know and do this and really want to change the bad habits and make them good habits. So I promise to change.  I have changed in so many ways I don't even know that girl anymore.  Well, I do know her I just don't want to be her.  I don't want to forget her because that is what inspires me.  The old me to become the better new me....This of course is due to the one and only GOD.  I get so excited to see what is in-store for me,  that is a miracle in itself.  I really like to run into people I haven't seen for a long time cause they just stare at the amazement of all the changes that I have made.  I am not proud of some of the things I've done but I do know this.  I am not perfect and neither is anyone else, this I'm learning also.  So work on yourself and you can change those around you.  This works.  So here I go another wonderful day with our lord.  Please guide me to whatever and whom ever you have for my learning not just theirs.  I love you Lord.  Amen.

So it is Sunday, my favorite day of the week.  Weird that I say that cause it used to be Friday.  I thought I had big plans every week, but guess what those plans for me have changed and I am so thankful for that.  I lived in a fog of fake believe.  Now I live in this place full of Love and Peace.  Through this journey with God I have met some extraordinary people that I call family now.  People I would have smiled at before but not have done anything about it.  I now give them hugs and workout with them and go to church with them.  I truly care about them inside.  This has helped me heal inside and to become a better person.  We all need this.  I want to reach out and touch people who need my touch and I do this through our Lord.  I know what some people say and think about me and that's okay because they are not where I am and I hope that one day they too can experience the Love of our Lord.  I will pray for them and hope that they ask him in.  Believe me that's all it takes....Today is about worship, family and friends.  Cherish these moments because these are the ones that take our breath away, the memories that we and our kids and family remember.  Laugh with these people, share your thoughts, your dreams, your hopes and most important your LOVE.  I promise when you give Love it gives back.  I have had this fear of letting go for a long time now. I have loved but I held back with the fear of letting people in.  Guess what not afraid anymore because if I do get hurt then I know this pain will go away I have God on my side and sometimes we have to suffer a little pain to learn and this is okay.  I never thought I would say that but I believe God takes something bad and turns it into something really good.  So when you are feeling sad, lonely, and hopeless remember he is here trying to show you the path to great things, just follow him.  I will follow him with all my Love for he is my LOVE.... remember to thank him for all the blessings he continues to give us. I thank you Lord for your Great Love and all the blessings you have and continue to give me.  I am truly blessed by our Lord.. Amen

So I was awaken once again at 2:45 seems to be a pattern.  I was thinking about this blog and that I didn't write yesterday because I was waiting for something that was great and exciting to inspire me when I realized that there is so many things that I could tell you about.  First off I want to thank God for this second chance at living his way.  Really thank him is what I want to do.  So I say to him guide me to help me to share this with people out there. Guide me to show me who I can help through out my days and to stay in his word.  I know that he has his plan and that everything and everyone happens for a reason.  now what that reason is we don't really know at the time but he will reveal it to us on his time.  I went and saw the movie The lucky one with Bri and Jeanne and the whole time during the movie thinking wow I want someone to look at me that way.  we can all have that  if we don't settle, it is out there but not in our time in his.  In his perfect plan to show us the perfect one.  I told someone one day that I will not settle this time and I intend to keep this promise.  I want someone to look at me and know what they want not to have to think about it.  I want to feel like this is right, right now, and right for the rest of my life.  wow it is amazing the inspiration that he gives me at 3 in the morning.  I told my daughter yesterday the old me would have already had a couple of guys just because hanging around when I need them.  Now who is that fair too.  Not them and not me and not my children.  I realized I would rally be alone, then to have the maybe I can make this possible kinda man.  I want to share everything with this person and cant wait, maybe that is why we try and rush this with the wrong people sometimes cause we do want this so bad.  So if you are out there and thinking what do I want really want, and your sorta with someone, think about  this does this person make you say WOW,  now you got your answer.  THANK YOU GOD I just got mine.  Now I will go through out my day and show people what God has asked of me and that WOW someone will come my way without me even thinking about it.  This is not my plan but his.  Thank you Lord for all these blessings I cant ever repay you but I am going to try.  I Love the lord so very much.

Today, I want to write about the power our children give us.  When you have kids you have never failing love.  they will always love you weather they show it or not.  They are our inspiration to be a better person or they should be.  I know that I haven't always been the best parent but one of the main reasons that I have changed is my children,  God is first then they are second.  I look at each one of them, I have three and thank God that he has given me these gifts.  Now when you are given a gift you are suppose to treasure this gift.  this means protect, teach and be the best you can be.  Does this mean you are perfect well heck no, no one is and we all make mistakes as a parent.  But make memories in there lives, ones that they will share with there children.  Make traditions and try to keep them.  I know that through the years the ones that I have had, I let someone change.  No more I get to keep them too. That my friend I win back. Start new ones with them and let them pick them.  Just give them the love and understanding they need to be able to form their own lives with a good foundation and know that when they fall they have not only God to fall back and lead them, but you are always there.  Just Love them like you have never loved anything else, spend time with them and share your life with them.  This will make them great parents one day.  

"Love Conquers all"  corinthians 1:13

Today was a full day.  Up part of the night with my oldest daughter as she gets migraines and I got up with her and rubbed her back and neck to help relieve some of that stress for her, miss my little one.  Then went to support my brother this morning.  Then went and worked out with a friend from church and then the food bank. Pretty full day.  Now just reading the bible and was thinking about what our pastor said on Sunday "Caring like a called person" and thinking about how I myself handle situations and how I can handle them better and who I can help.  I have my ideas but cant give all my secrets away but I will surely keep you posted after the fact.  I have so much right now that I feel God is calling on me for and feel real lucky that its me he asked.  I will try my best to do as he asks and to do his work.  I will try and fight the good fight and leave the past right where it belongs.  With God on my side I can achieve anything.  I know I have to remember to love the enemy as fight him with love.  So remember when someone is mean to you do something very very nice for them.  Trust me it will change their heart.  this my friends makes us winners.  By loving all and doing all in love we achieve one thing LOVE for all.  now that inspires me.... who doesn't love, love.... So I LOVE you all.  GOD BLESS

Woke up this morning a little sad, it is really hard sharing my youngest daughter.  Her dad and I are not together and I am not used to not having her with me everyday and every night.  I know I will get used to it just don't like the initial drop off.  Makes me cry.  I went and worked out thank goodness feel better now, cleaned house which I remembered how my best thinking is while I clean.  unfortunately I moved to a small apartment and it doesn't take me long to clean.  but I did figure some things out that I have been wanting to happen on my time once again.  Hello you would think I would wake up soon.  I am sure God is looking down saying when are you going to get this girl.  Anyway, I know in my heart that I need to wait for something and I will,  I know its right but not the right timing.  so waiting is what I will do.  as you know I'm not good at that.  I know God has great things planned for me and I am trying my best to do them in his order not mine.  I just get excited.  Have a blessed day.

My message today is "The holy spirit is the one gift God gives to the people that believe." Okay I believe that with everything I have.  I have and do feel the Holy Spirit and it is amazing. I don't ever want that to go away.  So I do believe.  This gift all people could have they just need to believe in him.  Once this happens you would never want to go back.  This week has been a week of miracles for myself and my dear friend.  We have been busy doing what God has asked us to do.  I tell you it is a full schedule however it is extremely fulfilling.  I have met some new people along the way and this is what he wants us to do.  Encourage, inspire and give people HOPE.  I know that when we help someone that in turn helps us.  I feel that it helps me heal more and more each day.  the pieces are coming together and one day we will have them all together to share what was meant to be our family together finally, and we together will share our stories and laugh how we got there.  Its funny some of the things Lisa and I do now.  I laughed so hard yesterday I feel like I don't need to work my stomach muscles now that is a great feeling.  I would share with you the funnys but it wouldn't be funny to you all.    Some days are harder then others but at the end of the day one goal  and One amazing GOD our God.  give him praise and love and he will return more then your heart desires.  He is just waiting for you to ask him.  So I ask God will you show me the way, guide me to the things that you would like me to do today as I want to follow you and only you and your path.  So I am running your direction.  I am so excited for this it is hard to slow down but I know that we have to be patient and let him do this for us not us trying to do it for him.  He will guide you and show you.  God bless you all....