I know that I haven't written on here for awhile.  Life what a crazy thing sometimes.  Dealing with custody issues and still looking for a job.  Every time I think that things are so bad I just pray to our God to please just take this and guide me through it the way you would have done it.  I know that I am not always the most patient person and that sometimes that I am not quiet enough to hear him and what he has in store for me.  I know he knows that I love him and that my life is following in his direction.  This hasn't been an easy road changing my believes and doing what is right in the eyes of our Lord but I know that even if the rewards are not shown here they will be up there, and that is more important that having it all.  I look back at my life a year ago and realize just how different I am and thank God for the ability to change and be saved.  I am not perfect, far from it but what I do know is that I so very much love our Lord.  When I do something now I don't think about what other people will think I think does this make God proud or would he have done it this way.  I ask him for forgiveness daily as I know that what I do and say isn't always of him or what he would do.....I just heard the best story about a young man taking care of his parents that got into some financial trouble and he has a good job and is sending them money and giving up things for himself for them.   Now this is a godly man.... God bless this family.... What a wonderful God we have to work in peoples lives like that.  God bless all of you out there... Have a blessed day...

Today I want to share a little about overcoming obstacles and keeping your faith.  I struggle with this daily as I  am starting my life over and the start is always the hardest part.  But I also know that I have God this time on my side so I know that I can over come anything.  Is it hard, sure but well worth the path that I'm on instead of the path I was on .  I love our Lord and know that he loves me.  With his help and only his help can I make it through the things that I go through...  I ask for his guidance daily sometimes hourly to show me what to do and how to help not only myself heal but others also.  I want to be an example of the kind of person and love that Gods asks us to be.  I pray for this daily for him to show me that way.  I try to be fair and not judge but we all do and I just keep asking for him to show me how to just Love everyone no matter what the circumstances are. I am a pretty simple girl and don't need much.  I am not afraid to work hard for what I have and I have worked very hard in my life.  I haven't had much handed to me so this new life well I know I am going to have to work hard at it too.  I told God I was up for the challenge and boy is he putting me through that test.  No matter what I will always, always go back to him.  I ask him into my life and I meant it.  This is the life I was always meant to live, I'm just sorry it took me this long to figure it out.  But here I am,  Have a wonderful Blessed day all of you and remember to always thank our Lord... God Bless.

Yesterday was the food bank and once again came on a day that I very much needed the support from God and friends.  I had some disappointments yesterday.  I wanted to curl up and cry but I held my head up and then Josh asked me to go shopping for the food bank so that helped me take my mind off the bad that was happening.  I enjoy my time getting to know people and sharing their stories. It is a lot of work setting up and organizing this event to happen every Tuesday but I would not have it any other way.  I get a great satisfaction out of doing this for other people but most importantly it helps my sole. I am trying to keep the faith strong and obey him and walk in his word.  So I will go about my day with only good thoughts and when the bad one come I will remember that Jesus gave his life for our sins so we should focus on us and not of others doings.  I am getting there with this process it is not easy re programming you brain to no bad thoughts as the way of this world is not very good.. I love the Lord and what he has done for me and my life.  God bless each one of you through your day and I hope that one day all of us can think this way.   Amen.

Today was a good day.  I spend some quality time with the youngest daughter Emma she's 8.  I picked her up from her dads and then just went to bush park.  I love that park.  I read some of my book "A Mom After God's Own Heart" I really like that book.  It showed me some verses that I needed to read out of the bible. I am also learning the true meaning of forgiveness and practicing it in my life.  I got a random text today from my girlfriends daughter I haven't talk to in awhile.  She is moving to Salem so I am really excited to introduce her to my church I think she will like it a lot.  Well I hope she does.  This transformation that God is doing for  me in my life is amazing me I cant even imagine what people think when they see me if I am this amazed.  I Love having this new life and I am not saying it is easy to start over but I am saying it is worth it.  To have the Lord on my side and know that he is there to pick me up and carry me through is more than I can ask for.  I really want to follow and obey him as he asks us to.  I have made and continue to make these changes in my life that effect everyone around me.  I hope for the better.  I know that the choices that I make are  examples to my children and people watching me.  You do things through out the day and people watch and see how you handle them.  So act as if all those people are God or of him,  Because he is watching all the time.  I know I don't want to let him down.  I do but I also know he knows I'm trying so I will continue to fight for him.  Everyone have a blessed evening God bless.

Sunday,,,,, My favorite day. because it is Gods day full of Love.  Church like usual was wonderful, great message.  I feel like every time I walk through those doors that God tells them what I need to hear. My private sermon,.  I however know that he works in every ones lives but I would like to think it is my message so please don't burst my bubble.  I have had a lot of personal things lately and should be crawled up in a ball some where with a straight jacket, But I have God on my side.  I know he will guide me and provide for me. He has wonderful plans for me and I have met great people on this journey.  I am not saying this is easy to stay in this frame of mind because it is not, but I know he loves me and I also know that there are a lot of people out there that truly love me too and pray for me daily.  This I know for sure.  I love all them back with all my heart... I do have a big heart and a lot of love to share.  There was a message this morning that I have a hard time doing Forgiving.  Truly forgiving.  Now this is hard I have had a lot of heart ache in my life and so forgiving doesnt come easy to me.. It was also nice to hear at church that I am not alone in this process cause even the pastor has this challenge.  Also I have a wall that I am working on tearing down.  So each day I will work a little harder on both.  I started to give my heart away and started to give it to the wrong person which made me back up again.  I have to remember to trust in God and choose his path.  I was talking to some friends after church today and expressed how I needed to forgive as some of that pain was self inflicted.  I will pray for my forgiveness as I could have choose a better path.  So I do forgive just letting go is hard.  Anyway moving on to the love I need to share is so great.  I am meeting more and more people with the same path as I am in and that helps me love even more.  What a great thing God does for us. Thank you so much God for sharing this wonderful loving day of worship with us... I love you.... God bless each and everyone of you....

I had a wonderful day with my oldest daughter, that time is so precious I cant even tell you.  Talking, listening and just sharing experiences with her as a young woman.  She is my world along with the other two children God blessed me with.  I just told someone that he gave me these 3 wonderful gifts to take care of for him and he gave me great ones.  Now that is love, true love.  You know how people say I not in love with him anymore or I just want to be in love, well turn and look at your children cause you never fall out of love with them.  I am not saying that at times they trust every ounce of patients that we have but we never fall out of love with them or we shouldn't.  I know my love gets strong and strong you think how can that happen I cant even tell you how it just does.  Your heart just akes  for them and everything they do...you never stop being a parent. This I have learned from my own parents, they are always there for me and my children.  I hope that I can teach them as they taught me to be the person that I am but even better.  I know God has in trusted us to take care of and train these precious gifts of him.  I want them to follow God and his ways and their lives will be what they want and desire. We all can have happy, successful children if we show them the way.  He is our savior and as long as they know that and they have his love and trust in their lives they will be all that we dream of.  So I promise to be a better parent and to show them the Word of God.  This is the only way.  He gave us a gift so we should give him back a gift of a child of God not this world.  Have a blessed day....

I know that through this journey with the Lord I have learned to be quick to listen.  I also am learning to be slow to anger this for me sometimes can be challenging.  This process and  re-programing is not as easy as it sounds. I know that we are to swallow our pride.  I do not need to defend my self to people or to explain why sometimes.  Let go of our Pride is what God tells us to do.  I think when we do this it helps heal that we don't need to prove to anyone what we are doing or not doing the one that counts knows all.  I went to and listened to an amazing speaker yesterday.  Her and her husband live in South Africa and she started the Baby Safe thing.  It is where woman can drop their babies and no questions asked.  Also her and her husband are ministering to families that have never had God or even heard of them in their lives.  How Cool is that.  I started to think how rewarding this is and there are much greater things out there for all of us to learn and teach about God. She is such a great speaker and I told her mom God definitely blessed her with Favor.  I was  mesmerized by every word she spoke of this country and the people in it.  I know that when you truly believe in something and your passion just shows through in everything you say and do.. I saw the passion they both had for our Lord and what they are doing in this country and with peoples lives.  They are saving their soles.  What is greater then that other than God himself.  Growing with our Lord day by day has just made me realize that you never can stop learning and teaching something about our God. He is the greatest he gives us what we need when we need it.  I was talking to a gentlemen earlier today and said God only gives us what we can handle and my sons accident is what we were talking about.  I know that God didn't take my son at that time because he knew that in that point of my life I wouldn't be able to over come that.  I myself needed saved, so he used him.  while I was mad at God because he would never be the same what we call normal he saved us both, myself and my son.  Maybe a few other lives in this process.  He gave us a second chance to change and live his way.  So I want to thank you and be obedient and pay it forward for him.  So I decided to take this blog and my experience and journey and write a book.  I don't know if it will be any good but I will be able to truly share this story with my family and the struggles that we go through. Pray for me to make a great book.  I am not a writer so this will be interesting.  God Bless you all and have a wonderful day living with our Lord on your side.