Had a couple lonely moments the last couple of days but I have had more moments of good then bad so things are good.  Went to my Portland and spent some time with my parents today.  Always love seeing them, and it also makes me happy.  I always feel safe.  The food pantry was successful yesterday.  I always enjoy it and look forward to meeting new people.  It is my one way of giving to people that are less fortunate then me and that isn't saying much.   I don't have a lot of money to give but I do have time and my love for the Lord to share.  So I try and help in the ways that I can.  It has been almost 3 months since I moved out and It feels longer but its because we were living separate lives before I left.  I do miss having a yard to work in and relax in but I do have the church.  My life has completely changed I am happy and enjoy the time I have with my children. I thank the Lord for all this as it would not be possible without him.  I am ready to move forward in his path and learn and follow.  with him by my side I can do anything.  So I will live like I am a called person in a called place.  God bless you all.

Had a good day yesterday, a friend from church called and hadn't heard from him in a while.  He is having some personal problems and just needed an ear and a friend.  It was fun hanging out with him and went to a baseball game with him and some other friends.  This is what life is about everyday, helping and giving to others.  I learned a lot just listening.  I learned a lot about some of the things that I do and have done in a relationships that I want to change and will try hard not to do in my next relationship that is filled in Gods word. I know that no relationship is perfect that they all need work from time to time but with God it can and will work, you just have to ask him.  I also know that if you don't ask you will not receive.  If you want to live a blessed life with God you must obey him.  He will always love us but he will only bless us if we follow his word.  This is how we need to teach our children to follow our rules weather it makes since or they agree.  If they obey they will also receive blessings.  I came home from the game last night and watched Daystar and that is the message they were talking about.  So we must pay attention to how we teach and what our children see.  I know that I haven't been the best role model but I vow to try much harder and it is never to late.  Show your love to your children, and they will show their love to everyone.  This is learned.  It also can be changed if you weren't show this from your childhood.  This I know because I was that child.  So I do know it is not to late.  God bless and have a wonderful blessed day living in the word of God and share with the ones you love and the ones you meet.  Smile at everyone and let them see you love from your heart. we all have some very big hearts, God just ask that we share this love with all.  Amen.

So I have to say to everyone SORRY, my goal was to write on this page everyday.  However; I got a little distracted by my own self pity.  I wanted to write about wonderful things that my life was changing and how God has done great things.  I forgot to put down the struggles of how hard this can be some days.  My  life has changed completely and fast, some days it is a bit overwhelming.  I used to drink and drink alot. I didn't realize how much until I really thought about it.  I numbed the pain of life the life that I was living and the life I choose not the life God choose for me.  I did a lot of things that I am not proud of, but I know that God as forgiven me because I asked for his forgiveness.  I work daily at this process and as the pastor said this is a process.  A process to follow God and each day gets better with struggles along the way.  We can always remember that God is here and he is with us. I know that sometimes I feel alone and out of control but this is what our knees are for.  Ask God for help not this world and the things in this world.  I think that some days I get to excited to get there to fast and don't remember the process, its like reading a book the beginning is so good we forget to read the middle and we go straight to the end to find out what happened.  we loose something doing this, we loose all the important stuff by doing that.  The middle is where all the answers lye.  I am so grateful for this life that God has blessed me with.  I have new and old friends that are always in my heart.  I am learning forgiveness and trust and for me this is BIG.  I don't want to Judge any ones actions as my own actions are questionable.  In this process of life changing I am learning this, this is what is in the middle so people please read the middle it is so important and you don't want to miss out on what God has for us in the great book of our life's with the Lord, I know I don't.  I will work harder on my goal to write on this page more often.  Thank you to everyone that is out there reading and helping me through this.  God Bless each and everyone of you....

This week has been crazy, Sorry for not writing and letting you all know what is going on. Tried to get caught up on things at home on Wednesday and Thursday cooked for an international exchange group from church and spent some time with a friend after.  Friday came up  to Portland to my parents and it was also my sons  birthday, Wow 23 he is catching up with me at 29 hahaha.  Today is Saturday and going to spend some time today with my parents then go home and get ready for the children's ministry Sunday as I serve in the morning class.  Excited for church I missed it it last week as I was in Newport at my nieces graduation.  God is working  hard in my  life teaching me Trust and Forgiveness and this for me is the hard ones.  I am learning how to give up some of this and I know that it doesn't come over night but with him by my side I can do this as I have done for many other things in such a short time.  I was talking about how I have done this with several people this week each and every time explained that I only achieved this because of God and God only.  He is everything I do, everything I think and everything I want. I know that if I think about what I want and how I want it and how I want to achieve it, if I remember Gods way and what he would  do then it will happen.  Just be patient and it comes.  I was talking to Lisa and we were remembering that when we started this journey what he told us and all of it is falling into place.  God doesn't lie and he never leaves us.  Some days definitely are harder then others but I couldn't make it with out his help. I thank you lord with all my heart.   Amen.

Just  got home from the Food bank at my church.  Met a lot of really nice people.  I witnessed the best kind of kindness that comes from God today.  It touched my heart so much.  There was a lady at the food bank that was struggling with being there (Pride) Another lady that was there to get a box of food  came from a table and was comforting her.  Letting her know that we all in these hard times struggle and it is okay to ask for help sometimes.  This was an act of kindness that only God can bring.  Yesterday Bri and I watched this movie and it was about a girl that was given a gift from God at birth but with this gift comes rules,  first never lie, second always be fair, third never break a promise.  This really made me think of things that I do and how I want to be.  I want to be all these things and to keep my promises to God that I have made.  I want to serve him in all the ways that he needs me and to be the person that he would be proud of.  I know I do wrong in the eyes of God but I also know that I can make it right and that he will always love me.  This is also the way I want to raise my children to know that it is okay to make mistakes that he will never leave you but to also remember that the love he has for us is the kind of love we need and should show to other people.  So I leave you with those three things to think about as I will continue to think about them.  God bless

So I woke up at 3 am this morning feeling the Holy Spirit.  So I opened my bible and started reading.  I read about how to follow in God commandments and you shall inherited into his kingdom.  That is what I want so what I will do is to do my best to follow his rules.  Just as we ask our children to follow our rules it shouldn't be that hard to follow his rules.  I know that the ways of this world don't always make that easy but what I do know is that when it gets hard I will do what I always do, cry out to him as he is the only one that can guide us and see us through.  I am making pasta salad to take to the beach for my nieces graduation celebration and I am really excited to see everyone.  I pray the weather permits today.. Everyone have a blessed day and remember when we think that it is so hard ask God to take your hand and walk with you.  God bless

Yesterday I had a great day again with my girls, had a wonderful dinner then just enjoyed some quiet time with them.  Sure miss having my son with us.  that would have made it perfect. went and worked out this morning and watched Daystar as I was running and a message sorta hit home for me.  It said when God is about to bless you, what you should do is ask God how can I bless you?  I try and do this daily as I start out my day I pray and ask god how can I serve you, guide me to what it is that you want me to do and to whom you would like me to help.  I know that as we help people they help us it is never a one way street.  I try and smile or just say hello to people that I pass, you never know how this may change their day and yours.  I was just thinking as I was typing (scary I know) that as you do this, smile, say hello, open a door for someone, just any nice gesture that this helps you to stay positive and in Gods path.  So remember that you are not just helping them you are doing what God wants us to do.  This is just the right way to live for all of us.  Try it and tell me this doesn't work. smile at everyone even if they look real mad especially the ones that look real mad.  it makes you feel good and they will think about their bad mood and maybe just maybe smile back at you.  Tomorrow I am headed to Newport to my nieces graduation.  I am so very proud of her, she is so beautiful and smart what a great package.  of course she is related to me. hahahahaha  Everyone have a very blessed day I love you and so does God..

So today I had a wonderful day. I was driving up to Portland to my dads I saw someone from my past and started thinking of things from my past, when I drove by that person and then they were gone.  Then I saw another and then it came to mind Boy is God trying to tell me something.  So once again drove by and left him in my rear view mirror.  So I got to thinking what does this mean,  well this is what I came up with.  They were once a part of my life but no longer in that way will they ever be.  when I was looking back I realized that is in my past and to keep moving forward to the great things that God has planned for me.  Let go of that past and your future will be more then you expected it to be.  So I forgave myself and now I free myself from that thing that was holding me down.  Is this not amazing that God shows us these things and hopefully we can figure it out because it is not a coincidence that two people from my past were both on the freeway at the same time just minutes apart.  So thank you Lord for that lesson today you freed me from what I was holding on to.  I am blessed in so many ways.  Amen

so I know that I haven't wrote on here for a couple of days.  God has directed me in some pretty busy ways.  Saturday we had a parking lot sale to earn money for our youth camp.  we earned 4 thousand on peoples junk.  Long day but really worth every ounce of time.  Church was amazing Sunday.  we had a guest speaker he talked about everything that I needed to hear.  I let go of things that I thought I couldn't and realized that everyday I will continue to heal with Gods help.  Monday worked out then came home and did some things around here. Made stew and home made bread and spent to great mother and daughter time with my oldest daughter.  I know that God has these amazing plans for me in the works so I am ready for all this to happen I am ready for his plan.  Today I will go to my exercise class work out harder then I ever have then Food Bank tonight.  I will get to meet people that God wants me to meet and as I am helping them they help me.  I am still praying for Taylor she is a girl that has some major back problems that is 17 years old and is awaiting surgery.  My sister and friend Lisa and Whitney and I went up Friday night and prayed with her and her mother.  I ask God for total healing as I know that I can not do this but he can.  So I will continue to ask for this.  I hope that you all have a great day and God bless all of you... Amen.