Today was a good day.  I spend some quality time with the youngest daughter Emma she's 8.  I picked her up from her dads and then just went to bush park.  I love that park.  I read some of my book "A Mom After God's Own Heart" I really like that book.  It showed me some verses that I needed to read out of the bible. I am also learning the true meaning of forgiveness and practicing it in my life.  I got a random text today from my girlfriends daughter I haven't talk to in awhile.  She is moving to Salem so I am really excited to introduce her to my church I think she will like it a lot.  Well I hope she does.  This transformation that God is doing for  me in my life is amazing me I cant even imagine what people think when they see me if I am this amazed.  I Love having this new life and I am not saying it is easy to start over but I am saying it is worth it.  To have the Lord on my side and know that he is there to pick me up and carry me through is more than I can ask for.  I really want to follow and obey him as he asks us to.  I have made and continue to make these changes in my life that effect everyone around me.  I hope for the better.  I know that the choices that I make are  examples to my children and people watching me.  You do things through out the day and people watch and see how you handle them.  So act as if all those people are God or of him,  Because he is watching all the time.  I know I don't want to let him down.  I do but I also know he knows I'm trying so I will continue to fight for him.  Everyone have a blessed evening God bless.

Sunday,,,,, My favorite day. because it is Gods day full of Love.  Church like usual was wonderful, great message.  I feel like every time I walk through those doors that God tells them what I need to hear. My private sermon,.  I however know that he works in every ones lives but I would like to think it is my message so please don't burst my bubble.  I have had a lot of personal things lately and should be crawled up in a ball some where with a straight jacket, But I have God on my side.  I know he will guide me and provide for me. He has wonderful plans for me and I have met great people on this journey.  I am not saying this is easy to stay in this frame of mind because it is not, but I know he loves me and I also know that there are a lot of people out there that truly love me too and pray for me daily.  This I know for sure.  I love all them back with all my heart... I do have a big heart and a lot of love to share.  There was a message this morning that I have a hard time doing Forgiving.  Truly forgiving.  Now this is hard I have had a lot of heart ache in my life and so forgiving doesnt come easy to me.. It was also nice to hear at church that I am not alone in this process cause even the pastor has this challenge.  Also I have a wall that I am working on tearing down.  So each day I will work a little harder on both.  I started to give my heart away and started to give it to the wrong person which made me back up again.  I have to remember to trust in God and choose his path.  I was talking to some friends after church today and expressed how I needed to forgive as some of that pain was self inflicted.  I will pray for my forgiveness as I could have choose a better path.  So I do forgive just letting go is hard.  Anyway moving on to the love I need to share is so great.  I am meeting more and more people with the same path as I am in and that helps me love even more.  What a great thing God does for us. Thank you so much God for sharing this wonderful loving day of worship with us... I love you.... God bless each and everyone of you....

I had a wonderful day with my oldest daughter, that time is so precious I cant even tell you.  Talking, listening and just sharing experiences with her as a young woman.  She is my world along with the other two children God blessed me with.  I just told someone that he gave me these 3 wonderful gifts to take care of for him and he gave me great ones.  Now that is love, true love.  You know how people say I not in love with him anymore or I just want to be in love, well turn and look at your children cause you never fall out of love with them.  I am not saying that at times they trust every ounce of patients that we have but we never fall out of love with them or we shouldn't.  I know my love gets strong and strong you think how can that happen I cant even tell you how it just does.  Your heart just akes  for them and everything they do...you never stop being a parent. This I have learned from my own parents, they are always there for me and my children.  I hope that I can teach them as they taught me to be the person that I am but even better.  I know God has in trusted us to take care of and train these precious gifts of him.  I want them to follow God and his ways and their lives will be what they want and desire. We all can have happy, successful children if we show them the way.  He is our savior and as long as they know that and they have his love and trust in their lives they will be all that we dream of.  So I promise to be a better parent and to show them the Word of God.  This is the only way.  He gave us a gift so we should give him back a gift of a child of God not this world.  Have a blessed day....

I know that through this journey with the Lord I have learned to be quick to listen.  I also am learning to be slow to anger this for me sometimes can be challenging.  This process and  re-programing is not as easy as it sounds. I know that we are to swallow our pride.  I do not need to defend my self to people or to explain why sometimes.  Let go of our Pride is what God tells us to do.  I think when we do this it helps heal that we don't need to prove to anyone what we are doing or not doing the one that counts knows all.  I went to and listened to an amazing speaker yesterday.  Her and her husband live in South Africa and she started the Baby Safe thing.  It is where woman can drop their babies and no questions asked.  Also her and her husband are ministering to families that have never had God or even heard of them in their lives.  How Cool is that.  I started to think how rewarding this is and there are much greater things out there for all of us to learn and teach about God. She is such a great speaker and I told her mom God definitely blessed her with Favor.  I was  mesmerized by every word she spoke of this country and the people in it.  I know that when you truly believe in something and your passion just shows through in everything you say and do.. I saw the passion they both had for our Lord and what they are doing in this country and with peoples lives.  They are saving their soles.  What is greater then that other than God himself.  Growing with our Lord day by day has just made me realize that you never can stop learning and teaching something about our God. He is the greatest he gives us what we need when we need it.  I was talking to a gentlemen earlier today and said God only gives us what we can handle and my sons accident is what we were talking about.  I know that God didn't take my son at that time because he knew that in that point of my life I wouldn't be able to over come that.  I myself needed saved, so he used him.  while I was mad at God because he would never be the same what we call normal he saved us both, myself and my son.  Maybe a few other lives in this process.  He gave us a second chance to change and live his way.  So I want to thank you and be obedient and pay it forward for him.  So I decided to take this blog and my experience and journey and write a book.  I don't know if it will be any good but I will be able to truly share this story with my family and the struggles that we go through. Pray for me to make a great book.  I am not a writer so this will be interesting.  God Bless you all and have a wonderful day living with our Lord on your side.

I had a hard time sleeping last night.  I would fall asleep then wake up like something was really bothering me or on my mind.  I know that this journey for me hasn't always been easy.  I have met some really great people and people who have taught me valuable lessons about what I do not want to be or what I do not want in my life. I am not judging these people they are not on the path that I am.  It does show me the path that I was on and how I do not want to go backwards.  I know that sometimes we don't even think about what we are doing or even that it may hurt someones feelings.  This is not how I want to be.  I care deeply about peoples feelings and the little things that we can do to help guide us in the right direction.  I want to make people smile and their days better as much as I can.  We can change that just by saying hello or a simple smile and looking someone right in the eyes as we do.  Showing that we do truly care. I want to live or to see other people live this way. Can you imagine what God feels like up there.  we are all his children and to see the sadness and the pain we put each other through is real tough on him.  He teaches us to Love not to hurt.  So I ask everyone out there, actually I challenge you to smile, hug, just say hello to someone, everyone you meet.  especially the ones that look sad or angry, give them some  HOPE that this world is changing for the better.  To make our Father proud.  I will put my own sorrows and pain aside to show others I do care about them and how they feel.  Every single one of us has some sorta pain inside so don't compare your sorrows because we don't know what there life and sorrows are about.  Everyone deserves Love and forgiveness, EVERYONE.  I myself have to remember that.  Pray as much as you can for this world and change, the change that we need is from God and only God.  He is the only one that can make Good and we can trust solely in him.  Have a blessed day and remember the Lord is on your side always.  God Bless.

So I did something that I was not proud of myself for and really started thinking why did I do this when I didn't want to.  I asked God for his forgiveness and I know he forgives me and I need to move on and do the right thing make it right.  well, I also was thinking why if I am on this path would God allow this to happen.  He wants us to learn and grow and the only way we can do this is through mistakes.  I also think that everyone and everything happens for a reason and God puts people in our path for his reasons not ours.  I think sometimes we get lost trying to figure this out.  I did something in this process and I think that God tried to warn me and I didn't listen once again.  What is wrong with me, I ask.. well we think in a different way then what God does.  I am trying to program my brain to the right way, his way.  This journey has not been easy and anyone that starts one with the lord is going through one all I have to say if don't give up.   I am not giving up and I will continue on his path.  Evil throws things our way and trys to get us from our path but he will never steer me away from God.  Yes I may make my mistakes and now I know that when I do that God does forgive.  He will never leave me and so I will not worry about that anymore.  I do know that this gives me more drive to be a better person as he was to all.  My heart has truly changed and I love so much that sometimes that is what hurts.  There is so much love you don't know how to give it out.  Have a wonderful day to all of you out there and to my sweet, sweet, boy if you are reading this momma loves you so very much and I am proud of the man you have become.  Through all the things you have been through in such a short life.  You my son inspire me...God gives us these precious gifts to learn and teach from them and you are my gift from God as your sisters are also.  My love is always with you through out your day and forever.  XOXOXO God Bless

Tuesday today and the food bank,  I tell ya this day always seems to come when I feel the worst.  I enjoy meeting new people and sharing the love I have for the Lord.  You know when you do something you know is wrong and feel really ashamed it seems as if God puts someone in your direction to let you know that he still loves you and forgives you.  I did that, I did something I am ashamed of and not feeling real good about myself today.  I know he forgives me but its me I need to forgive and learn from this.  I knew it was wrong and the journey that I am on makes me feel worse.  You know you look at this world and all the things that people think are okay and if you do these things that you are okay.  Well, you are okay but Gods way is not the way of this world.  I just want to make him proud and do the right thing and not the things of this world.  So I promise to try harder.  I want to set an example to my children and other people listening to my story and not continue to make the same mistakes that I made before.  I want to make God proud and I want to be able to say I over came that, I did and know he is proud and I am proud of myself.  So I will move past what I am feeling right now and like my daughter and my best friend say God knows my heart and that I am sorry. I am so glad that we have a loving God and he forgives us.  I do feel that we have to make these wrongs right.  So I will do that.  I have been working so hard to change the way I was to who I want to be I forget to take a little time to reflect.  I love the Lord so very much and will continue on his path and his way not the ways of this world.  Amen, Everyone have a blessed day and remember to tell him thank you for all of our sins.  He likes to be thanked just as we do....

So as I go into this day and other days I want to go into it with an open heart the heart that God gave me to share with others.  I know that we are also to guard our hearts so I ask you how do you do both.  Well, I think you do what is right and good and the other follows after. Now do our hearts get hurt sometimes of course they do.  This is the learning process that he helps us with and we remember we are not going through this alone.  He is there and I am sure you have all heard this that he only gives us what we can handle.  Its hard to believe sometimes that we are that strong but we are of him and he lives inside of us. I was talking to my sister in law tonight and she made me feel better and she told me how strong that she thought I was.  I know that with God that I can get through all the bad times that evil sends my way.  I am trying so hard to be strong some days and not sure what the direction is that I am going from time to time but I do know that God is guiding me in the direction.  I am working so hard to stay on his path.  I just don't want to over think it.  God bless all of you out there that are wondering which direction to go and the struggles that your journeys bring.

Today I realized that I need to truly let go of somethings that I'm not letting go of.  To truly let go and move on is very hard.  We want to control the situation or let go of part of it hoping for something else.  I not sure what I am hanging onto but I do know it is holding me back.  I will ask God to forgive me for the sins that I have done and move on.  Now will I have to ask him daily or hourly maybe but I mean this and want this.  I want to let go of it and I will.  I will forgive and ask forgiveness.  I want more from this life and do not want to be angry with anyone.  I want the best for them no matter what they have done to me and continue to do. I do know that in their time God will come to them and show them.  So now it is my time and my time to move on the path and plan he has for me.  I am blessed that he guides me in his direction daily and I know that he has Great plans.  I can not wait to share this with other people and let them know he is real and he will heal your heart.  So be kind and forgive those who do not know better and pray for them and the ones that do know better really need our love and he forgives all. I will move forward today because I will forgive and ask for forgiveness for all that I have been holding on to and ask him to guide me in his direction to help me with this process.  God bless all of you have a very blessed day.

I had a great day yesterday with my friend and my youngest daughter,  Even the negative things that were thrown at me I didn't let them get to me.  I think finally I'm learning.  It is still hard and I know what the right thing to do is, instead of fighting back and making everyone upset and angry.  I don't need to point fingers or justify or even defend what I do.  I know what I do is the way of God for the most part.  I know that I am not intentionally trying to hurt anyone.  I am trying to make my life better and more importantly teach my children about the Truth and that is what God would want me to do.  I really feel that the act of kindness to whom ever it may be (ex- someone you don't know, just anyone.)  makes a difference and some how I believe it will change that person and make you feel good in the process.  The process of changing our life's to this way is not easy and doesn't happen over night, but what I do know is that when I do this I know I get one step closer to our Lord.  That is my goal and my goal to show my children that the ways of this world and to be hateful and fight back is negative and is not the ways of God.  God knows the truth of what I am doing and that is the only person you need to prove anything to.  I started to feel down today and remembered who was on my side.  I thought for a moment I wanted to be that girl (the one that got picked) and remember no I don't.  I feel for that girl as she doesn't know the truth.  I felt like my prayers weren't answered when in fact they were.  Thank you God you ROCK and you are my WOW factor.  My focus lies on you and what my mission is.  I ask for Grace and for forgiveness as the thoughts I had were not of you.  I know that in time I will get my prayers just in your time.  For now I want to serve you and do as you ask.  I know I will stumble on days because that is the child that I am which you are fully aware of.  So I love you Lord and please guide me to your direction.  God bless everyone out there.

So yesterday was Tuesday and I had and interview and it went well I am sure.  I am really ready to get back to work.  I was sitting in the waiting room trying to fill out the application that they give you and there was a gentleman from church with his wife.  He is always extremely friendly to me and I didn't want to ignore him cause I was filling out my application.  So I was trying to do both.  I believe that everything happens for a reason and nothing is a coincidence. This man happens to be a head injury person that was injured in Vietnam.  Well another head injury person in my life and he is so sweet.  I feel like God is putting these people in my life and around me for some purpose. I am not quite sure why just yet but I will know soon, I feel it.  The food bank for very successful yesterday we shared food with around 46 or so families.  We were discussing how fast it has grown since we started it.  Faster than any one around and other food banks are wanting to learn from us, ones that have been around a lot longer than us.  Wow when you put something in Gods hands how he makes things happen.  I want to serve him and do what he has planned and ask him to guide me to know what to do and who to share with.  He is an amazing God and I wish people would just stop and see him for what it truly is.  I was thinking yesterday how I could have changed my life just by going to church and doing things right.  I looked at that and how I did do most of that but when you walk with God you really walk with him and you eat, breath, think him.  I am working on this process through everything that I do.  I am taking this class at church called A Mom After God's Own Heart. I really like this class and I also get to meet other mothers that want what I want.  How great is that.  Have a great day everyone and God Bless you all.

Boy  who ever said that following the Lord and staying faithful to him and his way is easy was not being truthful.  Yes of course it is rewarding but the test that we go through some times can seem unbearable.  I started this journey with my friend Lisa and boy have we been through a lot together.  Right now it seems as if we try and try to stay on his path and evil tries its hardest to distract us from doing Gods work.  I know that we are stronger together and that we will defeat evil.  I never want to go back to my old life but sometimes I can say I look at it and think and know the reason I stayed so long. It was easier but of course the things that I did were just a band-aide for life's solutions.   I don't want a band-aide or nor do I want to cover up the feeling with something else.  I want to live the life he has planned for me but boy can  we just get started  with the good part.  I know we have to go through the bad to appreciate the good. I am praying that things are about to change greatly for both of us.  I want our families to enjoy and live the way God intended it to be.  I am ready for this and I know it wont be easy but the challenge I am ready for.  I have been challenged with some pretty tough decisions lately and I know that the closer I get to God I get to the Truth. The Truth is what he wants from us.  If we know him which is through bible then we know what to do.    Does this make it easy, well no it doesn't but we know that when it comes to judgement day that we can say we made the right choices.  It is a process re-training your brain to re-think that the ways of this world are not right and that God has much better ways.  God is in every decision that I make and I know that Lisa feels the same way.  That there is not one thing I can think of that doesn't involve him and the way he is trying to transform this world through us.  He is the most amazing, incredible God.  I want him to show me what to do and who to help.  I want the gift that people see him through me.  I'm ready Lord and so is Lisa  so lets Go....I Love you, We love you so much.  Amen.  God Bless all of you.

Today is Sunday as you all know it is my favorite Day.  It is a day of celebrating our Lord with the ones that we love.  All my children are gone so today I will celebrate the Lord with my church family and my sister.  This past week has brought me some surprises but nothing I couldn't handle because I have the Lord with me and on my side.  what a wonderful feeling knowing that it seems bad at the time but there is a reason and learn from it.  I freely give my heart away but I was led to a place in the bible through a dear friend to Love but to guard your heart. I was thinking that when God asks us to love is to love no matter what and if your heart gets hurt in the process then he will heal it.  Well yes and no I believe that he wants us to Love but to also be wiry.   So this I am learning.  I also know he wants me to focus on him and his works and not the things that I want.  So this I am also working on. I saw something at my girlfriends this weekend explaining three gifts that God gives us and it was extremely interesting.
1.  Wisdom-Knowledge of the Holy Spirit.
2.  Favor- Being Pretty or Handsome and when people see you they see God....
3.  Anointing- Having the Holy Spirit.
There is alot more to understand about these three gifts.  I am blessed that the Holy Spirit guides me and I feel him.  This experience is amazing and encourages me to move forward with the Lord.  Wisdom I believe comes in time unless God fills your head with this and this is a miracle.  Favor comes responsibility to let people know of the Lord, share him because when they see you they see this prettiness that God has given you to be able to share his greatness.  I am excited for church today and remember if you want these gifts from God ask him.  I also have learned that when we pray for things that God answers my prayers. He shows us and sometimes we ignore because it isn't what we want to hear.  He has his reasons why.  I was just listening to something and this pastor said ask and you will receive and sometimes as we pray for answers God doesn't just boom give them to us we need to read his word and understand his way of thinking to be able to hear him talk to us and direct us.  So remember to read your bible.  I know I struggle with this daily but I also know that when I do I do understand what he would do.  Have a wonderful blessed day and the Lord will guide you if you ask him and obey.  The Holy Spirit will come into your live and guide you if you ask.  I Love all of you.  Amen

So this week so far has headed in a great direction.  Other than my girls are going to be gone.  Emma is at her dads for the week and Brianna leaves for her dads today.  I am not used to having this time to myself.  I like it and I don't. I love being a Mom that is why I miss it so...Had our food bank at church yesterday again. It is every Tuesday.  Once again met some amazing people, but this week I met this couple that have a testimony that most of us would love to share with God.  Well, maybe because you have to put your whole trust in him and not  believe or care about the ways of this world.  God started reaching out to them to move to Salem Oregon from Columbia.  They didn't know why and had no family here.  I say had because we are now there new family. They came with nothing but themselves and not knowing why he led them here but obviously it is for a great purpose. They said 3 weeks ago since they stepped into our church NEW HOPE everything started going right and God started giving them gifts and providing for them.  I cant wait to here more of there testimonies.  I promise I will share them with you all.   I am going into this day with the mind set that God has his plans and he will show me as I go.  Just follow and he will provide all.  I start my Mothers Life Group today at 10 and I am looking forward to studying his word with other Mothers.  Have a great day everyone and God Bless you in all your works.

So yesterday I learned a valuable lesson,  it doesn't matter when you love someone forgive them.  Boy it feels  good when you do to.  It is like a huge weight lifted off and to be able to move forward in Gods path what an amazing thing.  Friendship is really important and we shouldn't let the little things in this world influence us in a bad way to destroy what God has put in our path.  Last week wasn't good for me but I will tell you this I learned alot.  Once again God brings good out of the bad.  I love him so much.  I am glad that I choose to listen this time. I  want to love like he does and with love comes forgiveness.  I know I can never love that much but I am going to try and be that person, who cares and forgives.  I have changed so much about me in the last year that I look in the mirror and even listen to myself sometimes and say WOW  is this me... I am thankful for all this he has given me and continues.  I have met amazing people and continue to meet them.  God is the most wonderful, amazing thing.  I want more and more everyday.  You couldn't peel me away.  Don't get me wrong I know I am not perfect but I love the Lord  more and more each day.  I try and remember when things are bad he is with me and boy do I feel him.  I am blessed with this gift.  THANK YOU GOD,,,,Amen.

Church was good today.  The pastor talked about not settling for less.  This has been my goal for awhile now.  I have settled to many times in my life.  I would do it again because I go three wonderful children out of this life but now it is Gods turn.  I want what he has planned and to believe in his plan.  To show him how much I love him and learn his way.  To show people the goodness of God through my changes and how I live my life.  If I can help one person this helps me.   I need this for my self and for me to grow with our Lord.  I want to serve him in whatever way he wants me too.  I moved out 3 months ago and have let the Lord guide me and he is doing a wonderful job and holding my hand even when I try and lead.  I believe he will continue to pull me his direction and I am also sure I will from time to time try and lead but he is always there when I let go and let him lead.  How awesome is that.  He never fails and he never leaves.  I m not used to that. Thank you Lord I love you so much.  Amen God bless all of you

This last week was a test of all my patience.   Had car accident, broke my phone, and I could go on but it is a blessing no one is hurt and I got my phone fixed without paying the deductible.  I went to my parents for the 4th and it was fun.  I always feel save and loved when I go there so I guess I really needed that time with them.  I also had a bad week spiritually last week with some personal issues.  I know that God is with me every step of the way.  It made me re-evaluate my friends and what I want and need in my life to progress in Gods path.  I also haven't really had a break down since I moved out.  So I guess that I was over due for this.  I usually can hold it together but maybe this was Gods way of saying let go and leave behind. I also learned that you need to only put your faith and love and trust into God and his way and he will hold your hand through all this.  I am very blessed to have him with me and guiding me through these times.  What an awesome God we have.  I was thinking the other day that without his help I probably would have ran back to my old life and just dealt with the unhappiness because it was easier and didn't seem so lonely.  I didn't run that direction this time.  I put my faith in his love and he carried me through it and continues to do so.  Thank you Lord for this. Amen.  God bless each of you through your day and weeks ahead....