So I have a couple of days to catch up on. Friday I went to my Daddy's house and stayed the night with my youngest daughter Emma, we went to a May 5th celebration Saturday.  Got to see my youngest brother Eric that is here from Hawaii that was really great.  Good food, family and friends and new people.  Had a great time with everyone especially my parents.  Its always nice to go home and feel like a kids again.  I always feel save when I am at there house and like I am young again.  You are never to old to need your parents love that is for sure.  My son called yesterday asked why I haven't wrote and well didn't have a good excuse.  Just had a bad week and still battling this feeling that I have and cant seem to shake it.  I don't know what it means and that is why it is really hard for me.  I know that its wrong because of the circumstance that could hurt someone.   So the greatest pain is going to be within to let go, but I know I have to, just don't want too. God would not want any of this.  He wouldn't want me hurt or hurt anyone else.  Life throw us these curves or test whatever you want to call them but what you do about it is the real test.  I know and have known what to do I just keep hoping that a different decision from the other side will happen and hasn't so I have to make it and trust me its not easy.  I know that God would want me to make the right decision not the easy one.  So I will .... I ask him for his strength because I need it and cant do this without him.  I want to walk and do things his way not what I want cause I know he has plans for me.  I ask him to take these feelings away and just move me forward.  I ask this in his sons name Jesus Christ. Amen Now today I will battle with this but I know that I can get down to my knees and talk to him when it is to hard to stand.  Remember he does listen and if you think he doesn't cause your prayers haven't been answered it is not him not listening it is because his plans are different and better then your prayers at that time.  They are better....