I know that through this journey with the Lord I have learned to be quick to listen.  I also am learning to be slow to anger this for me sometimes can be challenging.  This process and  re-programing is not as easy as it sounds. I know that we are to swallow our pride.  I do not need to defend my self to people or to explain why sometimes.  Let go of our Pride is what God tells us to do.  I think when we do this it helps heal that we don't need to prove to anyone what we are doing or not doing the one that counts knows all.  I went to and listened to an amazing speaker yesterday.  Her and her husband live in South Africa and she started the Baby Safe thing.  It is where woman can drop their babies and no questions asked.  Also her and her husband are ministering to families that have never had God or even heard of them in their lives.  How Cool is that.  I started to think how rewarding this is and there are much greater things out there for all of us to learn and teach about God. She is such a great speaker and I told her mom God definitely blessed her with Favor.  I was  mesmerized by every word she spoke of this country and the people in it.  I know that when you truly believe in something and your passion just shows through in everything you say and do.. I saw the passion they both had for our Lord and what they are doing in this country and with peoples lives.  They are saving their soles.  What is greater then that other than God himself.  Growing with our Lord day by day has just made me realize that you never can stop learning and teaching something about our God. He is the greatest he gives us what we need when we need it.  I was talking to a gentlemen earlier today and said God only gives us what we can handle and my sons accident is what we were talking about.  I know that God didn't take my son at that time because he knew that in that point of my life I wouldn't be able to over come that.  I myself needed saved, so he used him.  while I was mad at God because he would never be the same what we call normal he saved us both, myself and my son.  Maybe a few other lives in this process.  He gave us a second chance to change and live his way.  So I want to thank you and be obedient and pay it forward for him.  So I decided to take this blog and my experience and journey and write a book.  I don't know if it will be any good but I will be able to truly share this story with my family and the struggles that we go through. Pray for me to make a great book.  I am not a writer so this will be interesting.  God Bless you all and have a wonderful day living with our Lord on your side.

I had a hard time sleeping last night.  I would fall asleep then wake up like something was really bothering me or on my mind.  I know that this journey for me hasn't always been easy.  I have met some really great people and people who have taught me valuable lessons about what I do not want to be or what I do not want in my life. I am not judging these people they are not on the path that I am.  It does show me the path that I was on and how I do not want to go backwards.  I know that sometimes we don't even think about what we are doing or even that it may hurt someones feelings.  This is not how I want to be.  I care deeply about peoples feelings and the little things that we can do to help guide us in the right direction.  I want to make people smile and their days better as much as I can.  We can change that just by saying hello or a simple smile and looking someone right in the eyes as we do.  Showing that we do truly care. I want to live or to see other people live this way. Can you imagine what God feels like up there.  we are all his children and to see the sadness and the pain we put each other through is real tough on him.  He teaches us to Love not to hurt.  So I ask everyone out there, actually I challenge you to smile, hug, just say hello to someone, everyone you meet.  especially the ones that look sad or angry, give them some  HOPE that this world is changing for the better.  To make our Father proud.  I will put my own sorrows and pain aside to show others I do care about them and how they feel.  Every single one of us has some sorta pain inside so don't compare your sorrows because we don't know what there life and sorrows are about.  Everyone deserves Love and forgiveness, EVERYONE.  I myself have to remember that.  Pray as much as you can for this world and change, the change that we need is from God and only God.  He is the only one that can make Good and we can trust solely in him.  Have a blessed day and remember the Lord is on your side always.  God Bless.

So I did something that I was not proud of myself for and really started thinking why did I do this when I didn't want to.  I asked God for his forgiveness and I know he forgives me and I need to move on and do the right thing make it right.  well, I also was thinking why if I am on this path would God allow this to happen.  He wants us to learn and grow and the only way we can do this is through mistakes.  I also think that everyone and everything happens for a reason and God puts people in our path for his reasons not ours.  I think sometimes we get lost trying to figure this out.  I did something in this process and I think that God tried to warn me and I didn't listen once again.  What is wrong with me, I ask.. well we think in a different way then what God does.  I am trying to program my brain to the right way, his way.  This journey has not been easy and anyone that starts one with the lord is going through one all I have to say if don't give up.   I am not giving up and I will continue on his path.  Evil throws things our way and trys to get us from our path but he will never steer me away from God.  Yes I may make my mistakes and now I know that when I do that God does forgive.  He will never leave me and so I will not worry about that anymore.  I do know that this gives me more drive to be a better person as he was to all.  My heart has truly changed and I love so much that sometimes that is what hurts.  There is so much love you don't know how to give it out.  Have a wonderful day to all of you out there and to my sweet, sweet, boy if you are reading this momma loves you so very much and I am proud of the man you have become.  Through all the things you have been through in such a short life.  You my son inspire me...God gives us these precious gifts to learn and teach from them and you are my gift from God as your sisters are also.  My love is always with you through out your day and forever.  XOXOXO God Bless

Tuesday today and the food bank,  I tell ya this day always seems to come when I feel the worst.  I enjoy meeting new people and sharing the love I have for the Lord.  You know when you do something you know is wrong and feel really ashamed it seems as if God puts someone in your direction to let you know that he still loves you and forgives you.  I did that, I did something I am ashamed of and not feeling real good about myself today.  I know he forgives me but its me I need to forgive and learn from this.  I knew it was wrong and the journey that I am on makes me feel worse.  You know you look at this world and all the things that people think are okay and if you do these things that you are okay.  Well, you are okay but Gods way is not the way of this world.  I just want to make him proud and do the right thing and not the things of this world.  So I promise to try harder.  I want to set an example to my children and other people listening to my story and not continue to make the same mistakes that I made before.  I want to make God proud and I want to be able to say I over came that, I did and know he is proud and I am proud of myself.  So I will move past what I am feeling right now and like my daughter and my best friend say God knows my heart and that I am sorry. I am so glad that we have a loving God and he forgives us.  I do feel that we have to make these wrongs right.  So I will do that.  I have been working so hard to change the way I was to who I want to be I forget to take a little time to reflect.  I love the Lord so very much and will continue on his path and his way not the ways of this world.  Amen, Everyone have a blessed day and remember to tell him thank you for all of our sins.  He likes to be thanked just as we do....

So as I go into this day and other days I want to go into it with an open heart the heart that God gave me to share with others.  I know that we are also to guard our hearts so I ask you how do you do both.  Well, I think you do what is right and good and the other follows after. Now do our hearts get hurt sometimes of course they do.  This is the learning process that he helps us with and we remember we are not going through this alone.  He is there and I am sure you have all heard this that he only gives us what we can handle.  Its hard to believe sometimes that we are that strong but we are of him and he lives inside of us. I was talking to my sister in law tonight and she made me feel better and she told me how strong that she thought I was.  I know that with God that I can get through all the bad times that evil sends my way.  I am trying so hard to be strong some days and not sure what the direction is that I am going from time to time but I do know that God is guiding me in the direction.  I am working so hard to stay on his path.  I just don't want to over think it.  God bless all of you out there that are wondering which direction to go and the struggles that your journeys bring.

Today I realized that I need to truly let go of somethings that I'm not letting go of.  To truly let go and move on is very hard.  We want to control the situation or let go of part of it hoping for something else.  I not sure what I am hanging onto but I do know it is holding me back.  I will ask God to forgive me for the sins that I have done and move on.  Now will I have to ask him daily or hourly maybe but I mean this and want this.  I want to let go of it and I will.  I will forgive and ask forgiveness.  I want more from this life and do not want to be angry with anyone.  I want the best for them no matter what they have done to me and continue to do. I do know that in their time God will come to them and show them.  So now it is my time and my time to move on the path and plan he has for me.  I am blessed that he guides me in his direction daily and I know that he has Great plans.  I can not wait to share this with other people and let them know he is real and he will heal your heart.  So be kind and forgive those who do not know better and pray for them and the ones that do know better really need our love and he forgives all. I will move forward today because I will forgive and ask for forgiveness for all that I have been holding on to and ask him to guide me in his direction to help me with this process.  God bless all of you have a very blessed day.

I had a great day yesterday with my friend and my youngest daughter,  Even the negative things that were thrown at me I didn't let them get to me.  I think finally I'm learning.  It is still hard and I know what the right thing to do is, instead of fighting back and making everyone upset and angry.  I don't need to point fingers or justify or even defend what I do.  I know what I do is the way of God for the most part.  I know that I am not intentionally trying to hurt anyone.  I am trying to make my life better and more importantly teach my children about the Truth and that is what God would want me to do.  I really feel that the act of kindness to whom ever it may be (ex- someone you don't know, just anyone.)  makes a difference and some how I believe it will change that person and make you feel good in the process.  The process of changing our life's to this way is not easy and doesn't happen over night, but what I do know is that when I do this I know I get one step closer to our Lord.  That is my goal and my goal to show my children that the ways of this world and to be hateful and fight back is negative and is not the ways of God.  God knows the truth of what I am doing and that is the only person you need to prove anything to.  I started to feel down today and remembered who was on my side.  I thought for a moment I wanted to be that girl (the one that got picked) and remember no I don't.  I feel for that girl as she doesn't know the truth.  I felt like my prayers weren't answered when in fact they were.  Thank you God you ROCK and you are my WOW factor.  My focus lies on you and what my mission is.  I ask for Grace and for forgiveness as the thoughts I had were not of you.  I know that in time I will get my prayers just in your time.  For now I want to serve you and do as you ask.  I know I will stumble on days because that is the child that I am which you are fully aware of.  So I love you Lord and please guide me to your direction.  God bless everyone out there.